Captain Thick

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Once upon a time, in the land of angry heifers
The harshest Bess among them drank her own distorted kefir
She birthed a steer to ill repute, and ugly disposition
Named him "Thick" to steel his roots, and granted his position

Captain Thick!
Captain Thick!
The prickliest among a herd of pricks
Captain Thick!
Captain Thick!
A cattle with a shoulder on his chip

He learned to slaughter anyone with no fear of reprisal
He hung his mother's daughter by a rope made out of sisal
When Bessie said, "you killed her dead!" she cried, and begged him, "Why?"
He yelled, "She looked me crossways in my eyes!"

Captain Thick!
Captain Thick!
The prickliest among a herd of pricks
Captain Thick!
Captain Thick!
A cattle with a shoulder on his chip

The ducks and sheep avoid him, for fear of angry outbursts
A pig who once had crossed him was found turned into a bratwurst
No credit or denial, though the act was very vile
If you ask, he'll give a cunning bovine smile

Bored at home, Thick left, with an intent for evil deeds
But tripped among the cauliflower, ginger plants, and weeds
He promised precious violence on any plant that slowed him down
And soon found a cucumber on the other side of town
And soon found a cucumber on the other side of town
He hated that cucumber on the other side of town!

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