When the Storm Hits

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Rayn

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Living on the outside (yeah, yeah) makes them
A very complex little
Beast; it's crystal clear, the
Deterioration had greatly increased

My life could be much better, but my pride gets in the way
My mind speaks through letters, I write what I can't say
Ice comes in sheets with death, cause my mic is how I lay
What I see in my breath, but f*ck, I've made mistakes

Goin' back to Nerves, I wondered if I'd ever make it
My flow was trash, but words? With them, I'm always naked
All I know is rap, my hurt, I wish I would have taken
The steps to cope with that, or learned just to be patient

I'm bad at waitin', have a talent for getting what I want
Charismatic, maybe, distracted, forgetting what I want
On wax, I placed it, no balance in forgiving what once was
And as I'm aging, I've found my life is written in Mom's blood

Generational trauma doesn't make me a monster
And I hate that I brought all this hatred upon Mom
But to say it's your fault like Satan had spawned ya'
Those words rang hollow, but those'll still cost us

(When the Storm Hits) Rayn will start to drop
(When the Storm Hits) Validation hits the spot
(When the Storm Hits) My brain gets lost in fog
(When the Storm Hits) I'm aimless, got no job
(When the Storm Hits) I'm dangerous, I feel lost
(When the Storm Hits) My anger just dissolves
(When the Storm Hits) My days, they all just wash
(When the Storm Hits) I'm nameless, just a drop

When the Storm Hits, and I look at what I've done
I wonder if I truly ever deserve my mother's love
I'm feelin' torn an', my brother holds me up
Which is fuckin' crazy, 'cause I've dissed him more than once

I feel like I'm alone and like no one understands me
That's why I write these poems, they're letters to my family
I chose to pilot boats but cannot get off this damn sea
I don't wanna open up, but I cannot stop this planning

Depression and doubt creep in, I was manic when I planned this
So much for Clout-freakin'-ten, I can't fit in that jammin'
And I'm down to make amends with my family but I can't yet
'Cause with sounds, they're breakin' in, my damage on every damn track

And that's the cause of one of the biggest problems that I've faced
Feeling like I'm lost in a fog of all this shame
Spotlight in the dark, let it all just find its place
So I write this song, it's not solved just out the way

(When the Storm Hits) Rayn will start to drop
(When the Storm Hits) Validation hits the spot
(When the Storm Hits) My brain gets lost in fog
(When the Storm Hits) I'm aimless, got no job
(When the Storm Hits) I'm dangerous, I feel lost
(When the Storm Hits) My anger just dissolves
(When the Storm Hits) My days, they all just wash
(When the Storm Hits) I'm nameless, just a drop

See, because I come from survivors of the Holocaust
Great-grandparents were broken, feeling like it all was lost
I think my grandma's a good person, but what she had was not a lot
So when my mom was like thirteen, my grandmother was not involved

I guess that's why my mom controlled every aspect of my life
Desperate just to have a hold, and grasp, she squeezed me tight
And everything undiagnosed, I know she thinks she's right
Too many times it came to blows, and we couldn't sympathize

And I worry about my sister if she's walking the same path
And my brother, got some nephews, be the opposite of that
Mom, it's not your fault, I get what held you back
Responsibility on all, ball was dropped dealing with your dad

And if you hear this song, know I'm no longer mad
You sipped your alcohol, I was a drop lost in your glass
I forgive you, you're my mom, but we can't walk it back
So when there's clouds and fog, I keep it all on wax

Yeah
I'm sorry
To everyone, I'm sorry

The guard rails
Where on that freezing night, fathers hugged their
Children, set them in the lowering life boats

And leaned out to catch a final glimpse of their loved ones

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