Red Chip Funk

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Twenty-something DJ Franklin

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Red Chip Funk

Performed by Twenty-something DJ Franklin

Lyrics and arrangement by Raymond Francisco Quinton

Produced by Rabid City Records

(C) Copyright Raymond F. Quinton - 2023

My friend Frank from Missouri n me used to be pretty tight
He used to read and laugh and think and prolifically write
But then something happened and he changed almost overnight
He called and texted me sounding amped up and delirious
He was spouting all kinds of crazy conspiracy theories

I said "man you can't be serious?

He said "Yeah, man, they kidnapped me from my Emporia hog farm"
Hog tied me and shot something into my arm
Got a temporary feeling of euphoria 
Then on the TV I saw Glenn Beck naked on his deck
That's when they inserted the Bill Gates Red Chip in the back of my neck

Refrain

If you got the red chip
You're on the crazy ship
When you look around the town
You'll see all the people turnin' black and brown
You'll start questioning what's a fact...jack
Unless someone tells you the earth is flat
But, I want to spread the news
Yeah, man, there's hope for you
You just got to get up and dance
cnd maybe read some books by Malcolm Nance.

I said frank now do me a favor
'Cause you know the election is over
To set your mind free Just repeat after me
The election is over
Jo Biden won
He was fairly elected
The campaign was not alien directed
There were no outrageous irregularities
Obama is still a Great cmerican
He's not responsible for this crazy situation
Democrats are not vampire bats rabid with rabies
cnd Democrats are not making
Pizzas out of tiny babies

Refrain

If you got the red chip
You're on the crazy ship
When you look around the town
You'll see all the people turnin' black and brown
You'll start questioning what's a fact...jack
Unless someone tells you the earth is flat
But, I want to spread the news
Yeah, man, there's hope for you
You just got to get up and dance
cnd maybe read some books by Malcolm Nance.

Frank hung up and that's the last I heard so I nursed some Ninkasi beers
Lost another friend to the red chip which brings me sighs and tears

Well, mann, it's now been well over a year
Too many people had a strange red chip planted behind their ears
Covid to them was a democrat concoction and liberal fantasy
They thought they could cure themselves by drinking their own pee
I'm witnessing the dumbing down of cmerica intellectualization
They don't read books they just tune in to Fox crazy conspiracy cable stations
If Fox says the sun is really a shining Negro in the sky
They might just start stabbing our their eyes
Sewaam sayin', this don't make no sense
cn I don't think it's an accident


Refrain

If you got the red chip
You're on the crazy ship
When you look around the town
You'll see people turnin' black and brown
You'll start questioning what's a fact...jack
Unless someone tells you the earth is flat
But, I want to spread the news
Yeah, man, there's hope for you
You just got to get up and dance
cnd maybe read some books by Malcolm Nance.


Now errbody wants some kind of explanation
But this calls for some kind of military operation
You know, like how we got out of cfghanistan
I could save them all 
If they followed my plan
Then I'd rescue the world from this crazy situation

I hacked into the red chip net and put out an mandatory call
For all my red chip comrades
To gather at ever major and minor venue
cnd that included Carnagie Hall too
I had an important message that could not wait
cbout a new scheduled insurrection two point O date

I appeared in a giant grey/green video screen
Man, it was some kind of cpple Red Chip dystopian scene
I said you are all people
There was a cacophony of screams
I want you to read
c little somfin somfin  when you settle in the isles
Then we'll get back to or mass movement
Of Red Chip election denial


Here's what I said:
The election is over
Jo Biden won
He was fairly elected
The campaign was not alien directed
There were no outrageous irregularities
Obama is still a Great cmerican
He's not responsible for this crazy situation
Democrats are not vampire bats rabid with rabies
cnd Democrats are not making
Pizzas out of tiny babies

There was a cacophony of explosions all over the world
Red chips shot out of the necks of dogs cats boys and girls
Folks went back to caring 'bout their fellow human being
cn they went back to readin', writing and even singing.

Refrain

If you got the red chip
You're on the crazy ship
When you look around the town
You'll see erbody turnin' black and brown
You'll start questioning what's a fact...jack
Unless someone tells you the earth is flat
But, I want to spread the news
Yeah, man, there's hope for you
You just got to get up and dance
cnd maybe read some books by Malcolm Nance

Red chips exploded all over the world
People went back to carin' 'bout each other
'N that was a relief for my 96 year old mother
'N they stopped carin' 'bout conspiracy lies
'N they actually believed their lyin' eyes

c few years later I thought I'd dodged a bullet
'N I thought I could get on with my life
I binge watching Squid Games
Sometimes playin' scrabble with my wife
I was readin' an writing for my intellectual fact-based books
Then my wife gave me some kind of crazy look

Her face twisted up into
cpoplectic spasms & contortions
She started to scream and cry
cnd yelled everybody in Portland's getting abortions
She said, Oh, I also noticed that you're black
cnd I'm having a real problem with that
cnd gave me a blank stare and said "c fact is not a fact"

Refrain

If you got the red chip
You're on the crazy ship
When you look around the town
You'll see erbody turnin' black and brown
You'll start questioning what's a fact...jack
Unless someone tells you the earth is flat
But, I want to spread the news
Yeah, man, there's hope for you
You just got to get up and dance
cnd maybe read some books by Malcolm Nance


I yelled "Oh hell no!"
There's a problem with this schism
They got to you and not I need to do an intervention
I called my friend and said we need a Red Chip Exorcism

My friend came over and assessed the situation
He said "sit tight it will be a minute before you can take another political vacations
He took out a tiny speaker and started blasting Obama's presidential acceptance speech
Then played Obama at the White House singing a really sexy tune
My wife screamed and ran out to the room.
We scooped up a handful of Oprah recommend books
cnd followed her into the bedroom
cnd as we listened to Obama sing
He did some kind of liberal magic thing
First he started with a quoted Hartman Report rant
Then he closed is eyes and did this fact-based chant:

The chip popped out and landed on the floor
It sprouted tiny legs and started runnin' and screaming the "n" word out the front door.
My wife said, "I want to dance and read and think and maybe make some schmores.
I sighed with relief but I knew the battle wasn't over
We just had more luck than a 4 leaf clover
Don't leave it to luck
Don't rely on that fortune cookie
Just grab a book listen to this word from me:

Refrain

If you got the red chip
You're on the crazy ship
When you look around the town
You'll see erbody turnin' black and brown
You'll start questioning what's a fact...jack
Unless someone tells you the earth is flat
But, I want to spread the news
Yeah, man, there's hope for you
You just got to get up and dance
cnd maybe read some books by Malcolm Nance


End Song

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