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Sapita Music

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Four years in the making
Might ramble here quite a bit
So take a seat, gather round
Welcome all to my shortlist
Of what I'm going through, I wanted to share it with all of you
And clear the air a little bit
Say it all from my point of view
I haven't seen you in a while
All the dust has been settled now
It couldn't hurt to come and vacuum
Before I sell off the house
Before I stop talking 'bout this and the story fades into black
Where's the remote
Rewind the clip
Yeah, I'll start by taking back
It's Spring of '17
Sitting shotgun there in my car
You said celebrities are sad, no matter how big or small
It was interesting comment, but something I took to heart
Cause If I go and chase my dream, knew it's nothing if we're apart
Though I loved when we spent time
Felt like nothing could stop my drive
And there were other things involved
Not the only thing on my mind
But we'll visit that in a bit, fast forward to that August
Before everybody leaves like arpeggi and weird fish
It's Summer '17
To be honest, I'm feeling bored
Pretty natural for couples, never had a reference point
To know that I was being selfish
And taking your love for granted
All you wanted was my time
While the effort I gave was slanted
Wasn't that hard to realize as I slowly became a liar
Hiding my true self from you and putting on a disguise
Cause when you needed my help
I was faker than gas fires
Turns out I'd do anything
To be the well liked college try-hard
That was back when my playlists sounded like frat party basements
Dreams of being a famous DJ just to find that I'd hate it
Always traveling, never home
Late nights in those stale clubs
With burnt out thirty years olds
And people shallow as drugs
Always catching the next flight, surface level every night
And as soon as your record dies
Career will be right behind
To each their own
I realized that would never be mine
So why'd you mention it
Because I didn't know that time
Second time at The Cutouts
Always said that's the one
This time I really shut the door and let you open new ones
It only took me a month
'Til I was bored of the fun
The fun I was never having
Was just some problems outrun
It's like I'm not happy with you but worse off when I'm alone
I tried to work on myself
And figure out what was wrong
The other thing on my mind
Idea of some freedom
What a joke, you always had it
Now this can't be undone
You always hurt the one you love
Well at least that's what they all say
And in this case not only you but myself too along the way
I'd never felt this type of sadness
'Til it looked me in the face
Cause I remember those nights
Body drained, head up in space
Knew I had made a mistake, labeled myself a disgrace
And started digging a hole I'm still crawling out of today
That was a cold end to fall
A bitter start to that winter
And little did I even know
The worst had yet to have begun
There was a text in December
Not ready to break it off
Ran from all communication, our closure was next to none
That was just me being dumb
Deep down I wasn't either
But I'm so damn stubborn, my stupid pride had outwon
Afraid to open this back
Repeat the cycle again
So I gave it some more time
And tried and work on myself
But you were stronger than me, put yourself back out there
I can't expect you to wait around
Always knew that was fair
It's second half, junior year
Always knew that you'd be pursued
It was that seven zero days
To hear rumblings about this dude
First time y'all were together heard through a Venmo request
Trace the steps, figured out It'd been going on for a bit
There's nothing left in my stomach
But guilt and an empty pit
I play out in real-time
Through a screen in my pocket
And I can't even explain the pain I felt in my chest
I'd never been so heartsick, the blame was all on myself
We all let it ride, I saw you from time to time
Like walking back from my classes
Or at Quals or at Little 5
But then every other time he was always by your side
I knew that something had clicked
And I was on the outside
I couldn't stop thinking 'bout it, no matter how hard I tried
I'd burned the boat and the bridge
And strayed myself on the island
They say life's better there
Oh man, I'm calling bullshit
Cause on an island alone, it's just your mind and Wilson
I dreamt of Cast Away versions that had an alternate end
Still not a sign of expiring, I prayed this was just a stint
I can't expect you to know that
Can't read a mind like psychic
Afraid, I kept to myself
Threw up the ignorance, bliss
It could've been so easy Zach, why didn't you just say something?
Because I have to write a song about it
In four years I guess
Well you can joke all you want, but you still have to admit
You haven't smiled the same way ever since the day that you left
It's Summer 2018
Had to stay in Bloomington
Always wished I had time for music
Got my chance, this was it
But every single time I, sat at the keyboard to write
My mind was in the wrong place
Creative blocks at new heights
Knowing that just a few miles
North of my South centered head
That you were taking on the summer with someone else instead
I barely passed all my tests, spent that whole summer in bed
4th of July fireworks solo in my apartment
I stayed up late every night
My new best friend was named Twitch
And that's not even a joke, being completely honest
I didn't write any songs, I didn't make any friends
I started asking myself
Like, how much worse could this get
Man look at you, this is rock bottom, can we snap out of this
And go get ready for next year
A time for you to start fresh
There's plenty fish in the sea
You'll be alright in the end
I tried my best to believe it, put on a mask to pretend
So now it's fall of senior year
Made a fool out of myself
Tried to be someone I'm not, and paid the price with my health
And Saturdays I felt broken
So broken up over you
My pride was raging to compensate
Desperation just grew
And plus you honestly looked happy
Not in me to interfere
I think that was the hardest part, when I just had to come to grips
That we we're done
And I might as well try and have some more fun
Cause I blew it, in the end it had nothing to do with music
Didn't make up for my character
Played for that duration
Called it Fall in Bloomington
Wish it was an exaggeration
That glass floor I created shattered eight months ago
And I was so disappointed
I never picked up the pieces
I was above that. I hate that I couldn't say that no more
I didn't know who I was, forget the big metaphor
That was identity crisis, the indication was clear
Felt like it was just November now it had been a whole year
Because I woke up every morning
Felt worse than the night before
I tried to brush it off but only really made it to four
At least by then, there was probably beer bath on ice
The feedback loop I tried to hide with
Some more liquor and Juuls
That would go on for a while, didn't even mention the flight
That I kept under my bed
To help my sleep every night
Man. I just wanted out
It's so ironic that I
Was miserable during the year they said's the best of your life
It's January 21st
I still remember the date
You asked me how I was doing
I let it out, "I'm not great"
That week we met for some food, I tried to tell you the truth
But only made it halfway
Plus you had something to do
See, life is funny like that
I used to dread simple texts
Eighteen months later feels like I'd do anything to just chat
Just sit and talk
But this life ain't a game
There's no resets, no save points
And you're just gonna have to deal with that
The hardest part was seeing networks that were built over time
All of the overlap of people I think liked us 'til I
I had to make it 'bout me, and play the victim again
Pretend you caused all of my problems
When it was my own doing
Cause if ever find someone, they won't know any of my friends
Can't say the same about him
Y'all had some time to sink in
Hey Zach, this song is too long
If you don't like it, hit skip
And go put on some other playlist made by the algorithm
Cause man I hated this
Like look at all 

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