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The Silence After

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This self-destructive path I'm on
Laid carefully by you
Where my feet are stuck to concrete
And you're darkening my view
I've forgotten what it's like to breathe fresh air
Without inhaling fumes
You're pollution

Tether's slipping through my fingers
Losing my connection to the world
Against all nature
Not that I was holding tightly
Apathy watches it fall away
Alone is safer

You're the poison
You're the poison in my veins
Lingering pain
Every day is just the same
You're the poison in my veins
You're my disease
You infect the way I breathe
You infect the way I think
And you infect the way I see the world
I used to be so optimistic
Now all I am is nihilistic

Who am I now?
I've lost everything I thought I was
Or maybe it was never there
Who am I to say?
Clearer judgement comes from outside
But part of me feels left behind

Drifting slowly to the end of time
Witnessing it all alone
With just my memories for company
But I don't want them here
Cause they know exactly what I know
But what I want to forget

The irony is that I'm never better off inside my head
But I can't focus when I'm not alone
I'm only half there
Like a phantom playing badly at the part of being human
So how do I get out
Of this torrent of self-doubt
Self-deprecating habits abound

A voice calls out to me
(I am all alone)

I will see this through
Even though I know
That I should let go
And even though I want to
You're still gripping my soul

Because you don't have your own
I've never been so convinced
Of evil's existence
And the worst thing is
That no one else can tell
You're just a demon in human form
You're just a demon in human form

Sometimes
I can almost see the surface
And the light that breaks the ceiling
So I reach out up above
But I seem to grasp at nothing
And it vanishes in hand

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