At the End of the Day

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Evan Hill

Evan Hill (January 20, 1919 – April 10, 2010) was an American journalist and professor at the University of Connecticut (UConn), where he chaired the journalism department from 1965 to 1984. A stern but beloved teacher, Hill exerted major influence on Connecticut journalism. He mentored many editors and reporters in the region and served as a director and trustee of The Day. He authored eight books and 160 magazine articles. more »

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Grew up a little white kid who tried to be respectful
Funny cause my grandma was never not neglectful
Man just just being at the dinner table was dreadful
She loved me, just couldn't show it, but I knew it in my mental
I think that's where my father got a lot of his problems from
A lot were passed down but I think not all of em
He was too poor to buy good looking jeans
And I think that's why half the time I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly

I had to come to terms with the fact I may never see my father again
And if I do he won't be my dad, he'll be an old friend
I think it's funny I miss a girl I knew for two months more than I miss him

I used to blame all my insecurities on him
But I'm me more than he is, so I'm a hunnid percent I within
I gotta be the one to fix the last name
And that starts with coming to terms with where the bloodline begins
So in that case I'm not mad at anyone who got it
Even my aunt who locked me in the closet
Trust me, this ain't a diss
It's a fresh start and shows that I moved on from it
But this doesn't mean I'm perfect
Its March and last November I thought I was worthless
Had the date planned but didn't have the courage
Didn't have the closure so I kept searchin

Talking bout it makes me nervous but that's what life's bout
Everyday I wake and thank God I still have my life now
Can't wait to make my future wife proud
I don't have the same thoughts I did when the light's out
Check my wrist, it says it's my time now
I smile when my mom plays my rhymes loud
I look back and laugh at when I made those dumb plans
I think it's funny how I thought I was stuck with numb hands

Never been the guy that people want me to be
But honestly I don't think that's what they want from me
They want me to be the opp and I hold that spot flawlessly
Thank God I got the dad I got, cause I gotta work non stop if I wanna be brought some keys
Could never cop some heat
But I'm locked in with beats, and finally a high self-esteem
Yuh, I think that's my biggest flex
Built connections through turning my phone off to disconnect
Not lying through my teeth about a Smith and Wesson
But writing everyday, enough to say that this my best shit
Enough to make my parents cry cause they think what I do is impressive
Done it all myself, only one other name on the credit

I never been the type of guy to brag
Every time I tried I got sat flat on my ass
Not by people but by trauma from my past
People hate my ego, but somedays that's all I have
Again, I'm not perfect, prolly sounding more pretentious
At least I don't feel worthless, and wanting to end it
I'm in a better place now then I have ever been before
Funny cause seeing you happy was the only thing that I ever wanted more

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