Tig Ol' Bitties

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Your Favorite Martian

Ray William Johnson (born 1981) is an American internet celebrity best known for his eponymous YouTube channel and his web series on that channel, Equals Three. In 2013, the channel surpassed 10 million subscribers and had over 2 billion views, making it one of the most watched and subscribed to channels at the time. Johnson left the series in March 2014 but continued to produce it and other web series like Booze Lightyear, Comedians On, and Top 6, the first two of which were later cancelled.Toward the end of his tenure at Equals Three, Johnson began branching out into other mediums. His first scripted web series, Riley Rewind, premiered on Facebook in 2013. He created a television concept that was purchased by FX the same year. He made his live-action acting… more »

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It was the first day
Back to school
Cuttin up in class
Actin like a tool

Friends are rollin in
We started talkin bout the summer
DJ saw Twilight
Bummer

I spoke up
And I asked my friends
"Are there any new girls? nines or tens?"
Hopin a few hotties
Had moved from other cities
And in walked this girl
With Tig 'Ol Bitties

Whoo

I can't believe my eyes
In a contest they'd win first prize
Double D, guarantee
I was checkin the size
It's like two beach balls in a shirt disguise

Or earth and mars
Havin some fun
Wait I take that back
It's like two of the sun

But at this point i let my mind run
And drifted off thinkin bout them Tig 'Ol Bitties

Hah, Tig 'Ol Bitties

Mount Fuji brought it's twin

Tig 'Ol Bitties

Two melons in a shirt

Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties

I put books in my lap

Tig 'Ol Bitties

Heads bobbin as she walks

Tig 'Ol Bitties

Oh my god!

Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties

Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties

Kept trippin in class cuz of her dang breasts in a tiny white shirt
Boobs havin a fiesta
Later in lab
We were messin with test tubes
Couldn't keep my eyes off the new girls chest
Boobs!

Wasn't payin attention
Got busted
Had to serve detention

In biology
We talked about the bees
The best kinda bees
Boob-bees

Whoo
I can't believe my mind
I hold a pokerface to her two of a kind
With each step
Her breasts gettin redefined
I'm makin my move
I'm thinkin it's time

Oh snap
I'mma ask her to prom
And in my head
She responds "you're the bomb"
Feelin nervous
So I count to three
"I like your boobs, go to prom with me?"

Hah, Tig 'Ol Bitties

King kong boobs

Tig 'Ol Bitties

Great tracks of land

Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties

Like my balls

Tig 'Ol Bitties

Real big

Tig 'Ol Bitties

Oh my god!

Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties

Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties
Tig 'Ol Bitties

She said yes
So I'm gettin ready
Stain on my shirt
Mom's spaghetti

I pick her up
And I'm pretty sure
That she'll let me motor-boat like rrrrrr

I try to cop a feel once we get to school
She said "No touching, that's the rule"

Principal walks up on the scene
"It's time to announce prom king and queen
Your Favorite Martian and Tig 'Ol Bitties
Congratulations to you both on winning"

Time slowed down and she jumped for joy
When out of her dress jumped something more

Tissues flew and rained from the sky
Oh my god you stuff your shirt!?
Your Favorite Martian in a world of hurt

Awwww fake 'Ol Bitties

Wow! 
Fake 'Ol Bitties
You breakin my heart with
Fake 'Ol Bitties
You're crushin my dreams with
Fake 'Ol Bitties
Fake 'Ol Bitties
I can't believable it
Fake 'Ol Bitties
You really suck
Fake 'Ol Bitties
I can't believe you would do that
Fake 'Ol Bitties
Fake 'Ol Bitties
Why would you do that when you're just trying to get everyone's attention
Stuffed boobs! They're lies! Lies I tell you!
But you know I'm still down to make out if you
If you want to, want to come back with me
You know what, never mind

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