Family in Sanford
Larry the Cable Guy
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We ended up coming back to my house in Florida down there it was New Year's Eve we all went over to Grandpa's house Watch his balls drop and, uh and, uh (laughs) That's comedy right there I tell you that's that's A funny there anyway My grandma's a hypochondriac she Thought she was Getting lip cancer from secondhand chew So, uh we was all over at The house out there and, uh, we was looking Through some scrapbooks and stuff i found out That I was a C-section baby, and I didn't know that and, uh, it Was really cool found out, uh Section C of a Waylon Jennings concert a Long time ago it was real nice I remеmber one time I always likеd to hunt i always liked doing That i got in trouble in Montana I shot an elk and I was at the Elk's Lodge, that was the problem there, but but Uh I got a bunch- I got three sisters my One sister, big ol' sister and, uh She's always a hypochondriac she Always she's got cancer or tumors Or whatever we was sitting on the couch the Other day watching TV She'd go like this all the time 'What the hell?' yeah She'd dig in her hind End like this it's irritating me i'm like 'What are you doing digging in Your hind end?' She's like 'There's a tumor up there' 'You ain't Got a tumor in your damn Crack' She goes, 'Well There's a hard lump up In there look up in there See if you see something up in-' 'I ain't looking in your ass For a tumor on a Sunday, for God's sake go To the doctor' She went to the doctor Spent $340 you know what it was? A Milk Dud you believe That? She sat on it watching Walker Texas Ranger forgot all About it she goes, 'I better Go to the doctor, get a complete Physical' I go, 'You need to get The couch cushions cleaned out Is what you need to do! Every time you sit down You pull up dinner in your crack' My other sister was there she's another Big ol' girl my whole family's Big, and we was at the mall Shopping she's like 290 pounds She's looking at wicker chairs (laughs) She goes 'What do you think of that wicker chair?' I go, 'I think if you sit in it We're gonna have a lot of toothpicks around The house next week that's that's what I Think you don't need no wicker Damn chair good Lord go sit on A frontend loader or something That'd be good for you' But, you know what, I love her to Death she's trying to lose weight though And I know she Is 'cause Domino's called yesterday Worried about her they ain't Heard from her in a couple of weeks So they know there's something going on Ol' Moley, my sister Ol' Moley That you all know about She, uh yeah, for those of You who don't know, quick rundown: I had a Sister named Ol' Moley Then we called her Holy Moley 'cause she got Saved, then she married a Mexican feller Then we called her Guacamole You know that story on her but she just had A baby, and Uh she was in labor for 38 hours you be- I give up on a poop after 20 minutes, alright? 38 hours And she had that baby We go, 'We're gonna name that Baby Roley Poley Moley That's what we're gonna name It!' She heard that, she laughed so hard Milk shot out of her nipples I tell you jesus she's a good girl! My brother was over at the house Too my brother's probably the biggest Redneck in my family at his House, teeth are considered 'bling' Alright? But he's Pathetic he's 38 years old, single and Bowls every weekend he's like, 'Why don't You come over and help me name My bowling team?' I'm like 'Alright i got a name right now how about The ICan't-Get-Laid-on-a Weekend-Either's? How's that sound?' He Ain't a good bowler either i went to Watch him and I caught a ball Yeah, I was up at the church the other Day we was up at the church My dad was a preacher so I'm pretty Schooled at that my dad was good He'd talk your ear off too my dad's The only feller to make a Jehovah's Witness go, 'Look, man, we got to be Getting the hell out of here ' alright? It's ridiculous (laughs) It's ridiculous
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"Family in Sanford Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/10711254/Larry+the+Cable+Guy/Family+in+Sanford>.
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