Small Fry (Big Sigh)

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Dylan Seeger

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In the middle of the night
I was awoken by surprise
When a bolt of lightening
Electrified my eyes
Like an oblivious tourist
The current followed me
To ask for directions
Back to 42nd Street
I tried my best
To help him find his way
But I couldn't speak English
So I didn't know what to say
I asked for a line
Could you hand me my page
And the director, he threw me
Right off of the stage
I said, "What the hell
Are you doing? I thought
We were friends!"
He took off his glasses
To clean his prescription lens
And says,
"Listen here, you punk, you've
Embarrassed me again"
I said, "But your production's
Fucking plain and you've
Got no integrity"
"You are a small fry
You can call me 'Big Sigh'
Bye-bye!"
I departed the theater at 9:49
Only then I remembered
That I had to catch a flight
So I held out my arm
And I tried to hail a cab
When a girl in pajamas says,
"You have to use the app"
I rolled my eyes
As I reached for my phone
But it reeked of glue
I said, "I think it might explode"
I asked the girl for a ride
On her bougie motorbike
She said, "You strike me
As an outdoorsman
Why don't you take a hike?"
I said,
"It's none of your business
What I do with my time
Can't you see I've got
A plane to catch
Is that such a crime?"
She said,
"That ain't my problem, man
You are asking for too much
Driving to JFK
At rush hour is a bitch"
And as she ditched me
I yelled out,
"You are a small fry
You can call me 'Big Sigh'
Bye-bye!"
Next thing I knew
I was flying above the zoo
On a magic red carpet
With Ben Stiller, too
He asked me about
His movies, I said,
"I think I've seen a few"
And then he mumbled
Something off, and said,
"I'm so sick of the zoo"
Don't go writing me
No letters to the editor
I mean, I hate the zoo
As much as the next guy
But this just isn't the time
For an activist stance
When you've got blood
On your own hands
Put down your chicken
Sandwich, this thing's
Gotta land
I said, "I told you this morning
That I could not be late
I've got an op-ed to submit
And the paper don't wait"
He said, "I'm doing my best
But I guess that's not enough"
I said, "I appreciate your
Hospitality but I can't be
Bothered with this cordiality
When you are a small fry
You can call me 'Big Sigh'
As I ride off into the night
Like a kite, feel so light
Bye-bye!"
There is no way
Out of the darkness
There is no way
Out of the grind
There is no way
Out of the darkness
There is no way
Into the light
If you see me on the flight
You better back off
I can't slack off all night

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