Untitled

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False Serenity

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(Who's that? Oh, that's Ben)
(Oh my God)
(Seriously, I tell him that stuff all the time
He needs to just like...
What are you reading?)
(I'm not gay, but Mongolian throat-singing, man)
(Ooh, that's a look)
(That's an awfully hot coffee pot) (Haha)

2018, first day of 8th grade
Determined to have a good year right out the dang gate
Sounds easy enough. I'll just stick to the same lane
That I always have, but this year wasn't a play date
It was different from the rest, opposite to the others
That's when I lost Nathan; he was like my second brother
But now he's gone 'cause he said that I had changed
In a bad way. It's sad to say, but I'm really bothered by it
Still to this day. I feel guilt and feel pain
I feel I could've prevented it in a million ways
But I guess it don't matter 'cause I was really amazed
When he talked to me at Excels prom. Feelin's of strain
Entered my brain like rain, every which way in amazement
For the first time in three years, we were having a conversation
It felt good, but it hurt at the same time
He had guts; I'm just glad he don't hate mine
And to Abbey I may write, we were happy on date night
And though I didn't have feelings, when we happened to break ties
It still hurt, but I wish that I hadn't had taken my
Anger out so publicly. My bad, let me say my
Apologies. It was so bad that all day and night
Every bit of this music and this rappin' became my
Copin' mechanism when I was sad or enraged tight
But either way, I apologize for snappin' in daylight, 'cause

Closure is excepting that letting go
Is more important than thinking how you can change the past
I'm done with fighting this feeling, let's let it go
There's nothin' in our power we could've done to make it last
I'm done with looking, looking for happiness
In the same place that, same place I lost it
I'm done with looking, looking for happiness
In the same place that, same place I lost it

I want someone to confide in; I want a best friend
But I'm scared to give someone time and an investment
'Cause I swear that they'll dip as soon as were swept in
To some overblown drama. I got too many questions
Like maybe the problem might be my music
I make too many personal songs expressing my two cents
And I feel like that drives people away. I'm foolish
But hey some people stayed to this day. Are they stupid
Or is my music not the problem? I don't know
I feel like because of this, my exes, I lost them
I put out too much too quick and way too often
I should take it slower before I get lost in
Writin' rhymes instead of giving friends attention
But I lost Nathan and Abbey way before I did this
So it's not only that, but I keep hurtin' now
I just want to heal. Stick with me as I work this out, 'cause

Closure is excepting that letting go
Is more important than thinking how you can change the past
I'm done with fighting this feeling, let's let it go
There's nothin' in our power we could've done to make it last
I'm done with looking, looking for happiness
In the same place that, same place I lost it
I'm done with looking, looking for happiness
In the same place that, same place I lost it

I've lost too many friends to this stupid crap
How did it come to this? I didn't shoot for that
I just wanted to make everyone feel good and laugh
But when I lay vocals, I feel I should put them back
So more friends don't drop and leave
I've been pondering dropping the mic honestly
'Cause this headspace ain't where I want to be
I know hearin' that is what some of y'all want from me
But put yourself in my shoes. Envision weeks
Were you get a little sleep because you're relentlessly
Pourin' your heart into an album, but the only outcome
Is your audience ripping it to bits and pieces
I'm only 16, but I'm trying my hardest
To write from the heart just making true songs
And to anybody who hates you gon' be proved wrong
Anybody at all. I'll just have to move on 'cause

Closure is excepting that letting go
Is more important than thinking how you can change the past
I'm done with fighting this feeling, let's let it go
There's nothin' in our power we could've done to make it last
I'm done with looking, looking for happiness
In the same place that, same place I lost it
I'm done with looking, looking for happiness
In the same place that, same place I lost it

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