Clouded

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Nik Yato

3:36

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Ay, uh
I was 14, trynna turn dreams into reality
I saw my own path and followed it without a cavalry
But nowadays I'm feeling lost, inside my own head
Think I might've paused, think I might be dead
But I still see my breath in the mirror
Not a ghost nor a god, reflection couldn't be clearer
But there's cracks on the glass of my picture frame
Have I changed, do I still remember my name?
Or is it clouded?

Like my vision from the start of this
Am I compassionate or just heartless?
Book a flight to Jakarta that's where Brian lived
My idol's 22, damn my brother's older than you
But I still keep both names in my mind
One pushed me to create, other loved me my whole life
So I write out a page or two
I can't forget who I am
Keep it humble cos I know who I'm related to

Curious as a child
Experimented with every single thing that I could think of
Didn't care about the results, good or bad
Just wanna grow my hair, Monster in my hand
Don't bring that energy around here
I'll knock your teeth out
Clean house then I go sleep between bouts
Motherfuckers wanna try me now
I've been to hell at 16, y'all can't knock me down

My skin glowing like a firefly
Try to butterfly through my life
Cutting down all the obstacles like a samurai
People trynna vilify me, I just nullify
Clouds in my blue sky, I can't let that slide
And I focus real good, Vyvanse and Prozac
Help to keep me in a safe mood
I ain't grew up with no silver spoon
But they look the part, if I keep dancing will I get them soon?

And I've been around a lot of broken hearts
Some of them have shown me where I should be placing my trust
Last year was a wreck
My mind was a mess
Avoiding Scorpios cos they fucked my life up with my head
Now I sip lemon tea, absolute certainty
There ain't no vacancy in my heart
Cos I got myself a honeybee, and she buzz
Graze her lips with my peach fuzz
I ain't trynna copycat, nah we us

Catch me in Olinda sipping mint tea
Lately I've been feeling like I'm drifting, off
Into a place where I'm lost in my thoughts
Maybe I don't know the cost of it all
I just follow my impulses
Need to learn to stop that shit
My recklessness has affected this part of my life
I'm sick and tired of trying to stay in sight

I feel like I'm fighting two battles everyday
Locked in a state, where I'm just shouting at my brain
Don't know what to say
So I'm just rambling random sentences
I'm so close to the edge that I can feel the air thickening
Body going numb, losing track of time
Starting to question if my passion really shines
I've been rushing all my life
I need to slow down, take a break and breathe before the next line

But I've been using puff bars, that ain't good for my asthma
Popcorn lung, hope it don't turn to cancer
I've been trynna cut it out
I don't want a cotton mouth
But this shit's engrained in my culture
Hoping I could reach the brass rings someday
Right now it seems like I'm just stuck in replay
My first choice counted
Maybe my future isn't so clouded

I just wanna take a break
Maybe chill by a lake
Gaze off at the mountains
Maybe my future isn't so clouded

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