Never Be The Same

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J Witt

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Sometimes man
Sometimes it all just feels like too much
Like you just try to find a way to not feel anything at all
ya know?

Another night I sit in the floor
With my guitar I strum another chord
Need a drink so I reach into the drawer
F*ck a glass man, I don't even pour
Said I wasn't gonna drink anymore
Hearts beating fast, I'm praying to the Lord
Cause now I'm staring down this forty bore
Cause this fucking girl shook me to my core
Everyday in my head's a war
Damn and I thought that it was bad before
Shoulda never opened up another door
But now it's gotten too bad to ignore
Cause my heart is torn and my chest is sore
I'll never ever love again, yeah that's what I swore
Now I swear to God that I can smell the perfume that she wore

Now I am falling, can still hear her calling
I'm squalling, I'm crawling, I'm gone!

Now I know I'll never be the same
I swear I'm about to go insane
I don't know what's up inside my brain
There's no way I can explain
I cannot describe this pain
Why the f*ck do I feel so ashamed?
I guess I'll take all the blame
I don't know what else to say

I swore I'd never trust again
I shoulda stuck to the plan
I shoulda turned tail and ran
Now it feels like I'm stuck in hell again
No one ever even asks me how I've been
I wouldn't even know where to begin
I can't even talk to my friends
They ain't walked my walk, no one understands
Everyday now I'm feeling worse
Doesn't even help me to lay a verse
I just yell and jump and scream and fucking curse
You don't even know how bad this fucking hurts
Any day now I might leave this fucking earth
Just close me up inside a fucking hearse
Just drop me six feet deep into the fucking dirt
Tell my boss I ain't gonna be at work
I wonder how I'd be remembered
Hopefully not for my temper
Hopefully not for the liquor
That I keep flowing through my liver
Hopefully not as a sinner
Or the bad decisions that I tend to
Make but at least I'm not a quitter
Just a tough spitter, who the f*ck am I kidding?

Now I'm done trying, my life is a lie and
I'm crying, I'm dying, I'm gone!

I'll never be the same again
I don't even know when this began
Couldn't face my problems so I turned and ran
How can I even call myself a man?
I'ma die alone in my room, in the gloom
Feeling doomed, all this shit looms
Over me, can't even go to sleep
I need the sober me but I'm so low and weak

Why does my past haunt my present?
I don't know if it'll last forever
Wish it'd go by fast and I'd get better
If I die soon then I guess this is my letter
It's true I'll never be the same
I tried to learn from my mistakes
At least I stepped up and took the blame
I tell the truth and own it like a man
I'm tired of always feeling stressed out
I'm tired of trying to change my past routes
I'm tired of living in this glass house
But I'm too scared to to try and smash out
I could prolly really use a therapist but I'd rather jump off of Everest
I guess that I'm a pessimist, My thoughts are like fucking terrorists
Attacking me, I never wished for this
My happiness is counterfeit
And I always know whenever it
Shows up it'll leave pretty quick
When my depression hits, I don't dare resist
I just ball my fist and write a rhyme to spit
So I don't slice my wrist, my whole life consists
Of always being pissed, why do I exist?

Now I am leaving, don't waist your time grieving
You don't need me, you deceived me, I'm gone!

Nothing's gonna be the same for me
Now I'm gonna count one, two then three
Coughing, choking, I can't feel my knees
Grabbing my throat I can't fucking breathe
It's all going black now I can't  see
Did it for real this time now I'm free
Not as hard as movies make it seem
And I got it all on Instagram live stream

Then I wake up, now it's morning, it's over
I'm right back where I was, I don't wanna be sober
I had a bad dream or is this heaven?

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