My Struggles

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Just Joshua

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Erase me that's a thought in my mind
I never want to do it but i think i still sense it
Daily never brought it in sight now it's growing pretty deep trying to eat me alive so
Lately i'm stuck and been blinded by the madness and the overwhelming bad thoughts combined i'm getting
Lazy to stand up and decide persue my dreams and setting all my sad thoughts aside i want to

Hide instead of just enjoying the ride i've been
Defied to get away from what im feeling inside i'm getting
Tired of the things that just will blur out my sight to see that
Life is so exciting just to be like a child i need to
Find my goals and dreams and also get back my pride need to 
Remind myself of all the things I survived and start the
Climb the mountains i will be needed to fight need to
Rely on my god for iam going to thrive

Only when i'm sleeping it will feel like my war rests
Reality is cold i'm acting tough wearing four vests
These things i'm going trough are pretty rough where the doors at i'm
Looking for the keys it ain't enough to restore past it's
so frustrating when i give it just my best it
Doesn't work out like i thoght feeling more messed then i'm
Stuck but the battle just started so
now i'm hearing lies but i treat them like warm guests

What's going on i think i got struggles because a
Brand new day to me feel like a big pile of puzzles i either
Stumble upon these four bigger pieces regardless of just how
Much i will try i'm pretty sure i can't solve em not on my
Own in need help from some others i think i'm
Too afraid to tell em let's go back to my bunker where i feel comfort get
Away from these people of jugdement  they think they're 
Funny but to me they're only breaking my structures

I'm bored on one day can't ignore the front page in my
head there is a stupid storm on sunday work is
Paused but one break will just lanche a strong pain that's a 
Danger for me for when i'm bored it's not great should i
Talk about it hope this will restore it someday let it 
Out and eventually find the cause of my pain and 
Realize that this struggle is maybe all just one phase getting
Concious of the fact that i did fought the wrong way was i that
Brightest one no i'm that kid that was so shy and was that 
Sylenth one then come out of nowhere and then inspire some
People with my talents i've been asked why did you hide it Josh well
I was just anxious and scared to hear if i was judged 
I adjust the lights of my darkness before my eye adjusts so 
I ain't done with that pain then realized that i was wrong now
I can't think of a thing from my past what i can triumph from that
Life is one big pain in the ass where'd you learned that lying from it's

Kinda dumb that that is the main thing i keep relying on that
I just walked the same roads with warnings of the wrong directions now
I am lost and getting miles away from the highway but i 
Might need god to push me back upon the right way so
I should trust that he will speak to me like a quiet thought be 
Quiet thoughts they only bring me some nasty lies and doubts and
Quite a lot it feels like there's a hole inside like i've been shot then
I should start and maybe pull of a giant shrug whoo

Let critique pile up never it caused some
Issues in my mind i try sleep while i wrestle my sin feels
Heavy if i try to get away i see error seems lik you
May enjoy the ride but at the end waits some terrors those are the 
Things that make me feel like i'm at the peak of depression should i just 
Cover it up and get a weak smile whatever i learned a
Method that i need to express my thoughts and obsessions but i just
Don't know how to start or about hte way i should enter from just a 

Talk to my brother to freely walk without luggage light a
Cigar to discomfort and just admit that i suffered took down my 
Walls and discovered had to reach my
Arm to this shovel clean out the 
Hole full of rough dirt to realease some air from my trumpet well i was
Wrong about one thing i could escape this alone and
Now i feel grateful for being placed on the road the
Highway the path to life that i will need to stay on and not to 
Take a tempted exit for it will lead to get lost lead to get lost lead to get lost lead to get lost

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