Depression and Anxiety

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Bendah

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Let me tell you what my life is?
Ignoring phone calls from society
My girl calling... asking if I could give her more of me
I'm missing me... so how come she thinks i could offer more of me
All i can be is stray from what life is trying to offer me
I'm losing hope, falling out of touch with reality
The shit is real, yet unreal, somebody pray for me
My life is still, they kill, everything that I try to be 
I then heal, and rebuild all that they took from me
Nah... but these devils never get tired of me
They told me that we fam, they will never ever get bored of me
We're linked by dna, we are blood, they live inside of me
With me when i wake up, nothing will take them away from me

Anxiety... its a reality (Its a reality yeah)
Depression King... a reality (Its a reality, reality... yeah)

Let me tell you what my life is...
Trying to fit in and fighting these nightmares
Suicide, panic and fear but no one out cares
Death and I debate about ways to meet the man upstairs
Walls closing in... the world is small and there is no air
Chest pains within... you drown in thoughts and your own tears
Defeat setting in... to fail is all that you know now
Repeat that again... to fail becomes your new norm now
It plays yet again... till you numb down to your core now
Bra... you start to think of a way out 
These demons in your mind are enticing you with a new life
Promising peace of mind, serenity with your own kind
The trade is pretty simple, they will give you that for your own life

Depression... its a reality (Its a reality yeah)
Anxiety... that shit is a reality (Its a reality, reality yeah)
Depression King... a reality (Its a, reality... yeah)
Anxiety... a reality (Its a reality, reality yeah)

So how exactly do you cope with it...

Depression feels like you are falling into a deep and dark hole
Every second and every day, it just gets worse and gets darker
So you have no idea why people are not helping you
Why cant they see that you are not the same person that you normally are
You know you feel empty and really hollow 
Like your body exists just to carry you dead soul
You know, eventually you cant tell the difference between 
Reality and the place that you are stuck in
And.. you just want to make it stop
You really just want to make it stop
But you cant make it stop
And nobody can make it stop on your behalf
Cause in most cases nobody even knows
That you are suffering you know
So... the cycle just continues
And everyday gets worse and it gets darker and gets worse
Its more like anxiety as well for me
Just feels like I'm drowning
Feels like I'm drowning in my own thoughts
In my own fears and in my worries
And the more that I drown is the more
That i worry about the fact that Im drowning
And.. i think at the end of the day
All you wanna do is just make it stop
Which is why some coping mechanisms 
Are more destructive than others
Hence you should choose wisely
But for me I feel like i have through very destructive coping mechanisms
I have been through... even trying to, just trying to 
Make it stop, you know, everything, overall 
But i am still here and...
What I do now is i just try to you know
Do more acts of self care
You try... to run and drink more water
I meditate... you know, I read, anything to 
Keep myself in the present moment
And not wandering, to keep my mind from wandering you know
And... wow... for me, i think, i think what has helped me the most
In the past past few years would definitely be painting
Especially painting cause i feel like at that time
I get to empty whatever is going on in my mind 
And i put it on something that is more visual
Something more tangible
Makes me feel better, i draw a lot
And the one thing, the one thing 
That has really kept me going for years 
And i mean years and it really resonates for me
That is music
I feel like, you know, I feel like i am not alone
Not necessarily in human sense, just 
In universe sense, i feel like 
It really gets me...
Music gets me...
And i am really grateful for it
I, I am grateful for art
Learning to be grateful for life
But... Its a process, its a process...

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