Chrismysteries

Johnathan Boggarty and the Yoghurt Man


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There is a nervous girl with a contraband harmonica 
Roaming through the deserts, climbing sand dunes 
She has cigarettes aplenty in her back pocket 
And a head with some great classic banging tunes 

It's been fifteen Christmases 
Since I've thought of you last 
Since that time I've had a think 
And I don't understand your past 

You're listening to a tale here 
About a woman who must 
And what she must do,  
Is find the truth about Christmas  

This woman is starving 
She's made it her choice 
As she explains her actions 
At the top of her voice 

I won't stop trying to find you 
Until the truth I am told 
From the day you were born until the day you died 
How were you only four months old? 
How were you only four months old? 
How were you only four months old? 
How, How?

Something is wrong in her mind 
This isn't the only Christmas flaw 
Something is challenging her thoughts 
About the big man, who ha's ho's and haws  

There's something very off about you 
I can feel it in my knees 
Your mystery flows through my shattered AI mind 
Like it's flying through a summer breeze 

That's it
Once again she shouts
That's it
That's it

You endorse your coca cola 
But to fly, you still need reindeers to pull 
If you need some wings then 
Why don't you endorse Red Bull 

Don't think you're out of the picture Jesus 
Your miracles are outweighed by illusions you hold  
Sure, you cured a blind person  
How were you only four months old? 
How were you only four months old 

When I was younger
I was more than just a child
I may have been a baby
But in experience I was mild

But LEDS-shush 
Reindeer fees-shush 
What is AD-shush 
Nativity-shush 

How about you shush now? 
Sure I have cataracts but I still can see 
You two aren't Jesus and Santa Claus 
You are the Yoghurt Man and Johnathan Boggarty 

Yoghurt man 
You tricked me 
How could you expose my vulnerability 

And John B 
You foolish man 
Now I'll have to request a computer ban 

My narrator Chris mysteries: 
Susan, Yes? 
You stabbed a blade into my nurturing AI breast 

Gave me false hope 
All the signs 
Yet I couldn't take it, I was just as blind 

Jesus Christs gloried hole spewing false prophecies' 
Santa Claus turning to a tragedy 
Pretending to be better but you're just John Boggarty 
Your Yoghurt makes me sick to my very knees 
Mr Chris Mysteries stop narrating me 
How could I believe so ashamedly  
Never will I ever think with certainty 
These sand dunes are not very eco-friendly 
You listeners, all six of you, I envy

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Written by: Jacob Rose

Lyrics © DistroKid

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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    "Chrismysteries Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/3496575/Johnathan+Boggarty+and+the+Yoghurt+Man/Chrismysteries>.

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