Her Story
Policari
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Watched how he coped, smoked, drinking he provoked False hope that I hoped, watch at twelve with a rope I was pulled from the ground Alcohol the mother found No attention it was sound I was struggling it was bound With his past straight to the ground How I coped came knocking down His impact kept knocking me down Yet his love for me was forever bound Here I sat at age thirteen The smoking lungs that left me seen In hopes he'd see I was young too This addiction was straight see-through I wanted him to see I was just like you Tore him to pieces, Jules and Rue I wanted the need, I had to settle too The lesson of love, the struggle for you Struggled with harm, against myself Myself told it was only mental health Shared my experience with the drugs The drugs would speak so I wouldn't give a f*ck I was thirteen, first year being a teen When my demeanour changed from being keen With grades being D's Father itching for a feen Would my friends know what I mean If I smoke on the lean While living so much in between I grew up damaged as a teen Yet I take pride how I done made it this far Get my license, a car Driving out across this car Been a while since I laugh Since my father afar Those 6 months moves apart No support, drugs bought Take me to a place within my thoughts, is what I fought Scattered lessons that he taught Take me to the court, custody for his daughter Maybe then For his daughter Maybe I was there more to prevent him up off the floor To vent over a car, to tell him I loved him way back before Xanax, speed, ket, caps in panic The need upset, perhaps managed Through the weed, speed Xanax that I kept relapsed backwards Too OD to get the call To fall to floor in those exact words Too OD to think of him But now he holds his lack of words It was all backwards His addiction not understood Until he rests inside this wood As his step daughter I preferred he could To change the time To change the hurt To watch the storm And jump head first To convince him he needs to learn His addiction could be deferred But even time would not concern I'm talking now since it occurred If I go back, I'd rehearse words The word love Would return When I was just a little girl I done beat through hell Oh well Biological daddy issues shaped through his yell My brother denied and swear he wouldn't tell Only age 12 when I removed his blood genes from my cells Felt trapped like a cell With 12 by 13 bars parallel To tell how I was only 12 Turning 13 would no longer dwell Alcohol addiction when I was 12 Repetition for myself Who'd create a life, narrated non-fiction When I was 12, vodka bottles infliction Mama knows so my father's eviction If he didn't OD, he'd continue all hidden He was my dad though The life he lived, I followed in his shadow Not just a step, the stairs for the shallow He was a good soul, gave a childhood Then he pointed like an arrow Told me to hide a lie for tomorrow He loved his daughter, that's the feelings of sorrow Couldn't say no, if I did world follow I tried my best and that's a hard pill to swallow Rehab was just a failed way Doctor shopping he would outplay Remember on the bike that I would play Distant memory surpassed when he left the driveway I was 12, nearly 13 in an attempt to forsay That my loving stepfather could miss the step along that stairway His fate went a long way His fate was a second interway Yet I loved him cause he taught me everything up to that day Until that day If I could go back, which I know that I can't But if I could go back, would I'd change what I'd rant I'd look at my father I'd take his hand I'd show him his fate My world when it ends Is it selfish if I tell him my plans All my soon attempts just to see him again Knowing he left with no real plan Or tell him I love him The message I'd send All the people around me Did not, feel like all the people around me Yet he found me He tried, he succeeded He raised before drowned he I gotta try cause I can be found like they found he I gotta put on a smile in pain proudly A god that raised he Yet a father that raised me So how can I leave with the world that he left me Yet how can I live if he cannot see me Not to slit my wrist or put a bullet in my brain Only passes on pain Conflict in his name May I not be sane Should I live shouting his name Remember what he became Remember what he was To not forget who he raised I'm his daughter that's some shit to never changed I walk the streets and the path that he paved If I went back in time, even then I can't save I'm in pain, mentally Messages I sent late Now he's gone passed away Due to his younger days I love him, what I say So it's still such a shame A step to a daughter Stepped up to the name A rough childhood But what didn't kill me kept me stood Kept me under on the low low Kept me rowing by what I could It was hard seeing my brother and uncle walk down this man Introduced as a step Left as a father who did not ran Left in the coffin in the hands of my brother I would never lie about the pain he inflicted rather I would tell the truth about his addiction To one another Through a different voice Same perspective Biography, a different cover Deep down before he hit the ground Before that call brought trauma around He was a loving man who struggled and coped with what he found One could count on Take steps to mount on Addiction made one doubt one Addiction took one without one Way before we found him Body down Found numb I know It's not my fault I know It's not my fault From there on Each day would be a stare off Take these drugs for it to wear off Unfortunately that would be the death of No one understand by myself and that wasn't enough A speech as I stand Preach about this man Standing on steps Addiction he would bluff Enough was enough Changed my mindset Life was tough No one to blame but himself Vodka bottles on the shelf Age 12 Crying about his health Never grew up in no wealth Age 12, I was 12 flooded with doubt Drowning in his drought How'd he do without The truth was I loved him And maybe that's what made his death so up fronting Maybe that's why he didn't die before July 9th for nothing If I could take back some words, since the day I was 12 Father issues resulted in the idea of a heaven A father stepped on Stepped on Stepped on like a car with no engine Through life's highest highs I was taught it all dies Dark, yea but so were his lies So were emotions of depsise So were lessons taught being wise But not his love cause love never dies This the last letter Not no guilt trip Me being better Not no no maybe if I said a Not an ending if it's never Trauma, weak, endeavour From weeks of trauma depending wether The pain is pending never I've made it this far outscale measure Manoeuvred a life together From pieces undergoing pressure I'm proud I moved it compressor Pressed like Thor winged helmet feather I'm the prime mover Like a minister, a lever, Thor I could change the weather Yet the storm is something never to endeavour I shouldn't be blaming myself at all I wasn't the one who stumbled and took that fall When he fell I knew I'd fall I've been grieving way before His heart was big yet drugs were tall Cry on a call A shoulder to fall Lessons he taught while addiction would haunt The feeling of love what it brings what it brought This drug we call love leaves a price evert cost This man I call father was afar when he lost Cry on a call The tears they would pour Pour a lake which is rich in the water Tears they pour knowing what he taught her Tears of poor, absence for his daughter Two attempts to meet my step again Once in the flesh Once with a plan To see my step heaven steps again My second attempt yet it failed again I miss this man Often I tend To bottle this up Over a time span In the past few minutes of a time span Was it well spent not to resent But to accept nothing will bring him back man F*ck Two attempts to meet my step again Once in the flesh Once with a plan To see my step heaven step
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"Her Story Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 9 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/13327120/Policari/Her+Story>.
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