This Isn't Your Average Song
Jamie Felton
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This isn't your average song This isn't your average song Your average song is three minutes long with a consistently smooth groove a catchy tune and four chords repeated Completed by a relatable lyrical concept about an ex or something This isn't for the masses It's for the musically analytical So grab a cuppa and stick your earplugs in 'cause yeah this one's nasty So I'm probably playing this song live right now in some grotty Swindon pub It smells and the barman has a black eye But still better than last week's empty social club Three hours in and last orders is finally called But then an alcoholised voice in my ear screams PLAY WONDERWAL So I put the capo on the 2nd fret and strum that first chord Em7 makes my ears bleed but it pleases the landlord 600 gigs in the bag at the age of 22 But these careful rhyming couplets aren't enough to see me through In the eyes of the big guys at the record label My fanbase just isn't large and stable Enough to make them money But hey that's the music business The old man in the corner comes up at the end of the night and guilelessly whispers 'You're good kid, you're gonna make it big' I'm polite and say 'thank you' though he knows no reality As to how hard it really is to make it in this industry It's enough to play 'Sweet Caroline' to a bunch of merry pensioners on their Saturday night But to actually attract an audience to a show is a task out of sight Why would anyone pay 7 quid to see my show standing on a beer-flooded floor When they can see me for free the next weekend at their local next door The promoter asks how many tickets I could sell I say 'the biggest crowd you've ever had' But then I sell only two and that's just my Mum and Dad You need five attributes to be successful in music Talent hard work determination money and luck Let's dissect... Number one Natural talent is an ability to pick things up quickly A spark in your technique that excites your mentor in the early stages It gives you a head start in honing your craft at which you've got to do number two Work hard Practice longer than the others Be more prolific than the others Study deeper than the others First in last out 1% at a time Don't practice 'til you get it right Practice 'til you CAN'T GET IT WRONG Number three determination Something's gotta drive that hard work You question why you're circussing around the circle of 5ths at 2am It's so you can play that phrygian dominant scale in every single sodding key So that when the time does come that you rely on that knowledge and experience You slay it Number four money That's the sad part Hopefully your parents have done alright and they can afford you piano lessons as a child You form a band in your teens and split the £1000 recording expenses four ways Then chuck a tenner a day into Facebook's ad system to promote your latest single Hoping it gets noticed by some important record label people And that's number five The luck 'Right place, right time' 'It's not what you know, it's who you know' You've heard it all before Could be the best in the world and have all the boxes ticked But a million other Justins on YouTube And Bieber got the click I hate watching reality shows where teenagers say how badly they want it We all want it darling it's just you go on TV and cry about it Whereas others strategise a plan of exactly how they're gonna do it Artist establishment takes years and years and tears and a shedload of stress So it annoys me when people dream of the overnight success But hey, I mean, you're the perfect contestant Pretty face big knockers and your voice is rather foul You're just another skid mark in the bog of Simon Cowell 'Cause you see music other than acting is the hardest industry To be the best and stand out with a clear USP For me I try to do this by keeping my writing versatile That's why every song is a different style I love a musical challenge so I'm trying my hand at rap But the only thing people care about is pop's overproduced crap Real musical talent is practising for hours a day until your fingers ache Not being sonically hypnotised by the noises your computer makes You claim you write beats Write beats? Come on man behave Just say that to a real drummer Neil Peart's turning in his grave Thousands of hours of practice dented into these fingertips Yet thousands of hours of practice doesn't generate the hits But then writing a hit doesn't mean that you're the best 'Cause these days a hit is a hit with a big fat capital S And what you gotta do to get on the radio this day and age Write a soppy 4 chord song and you're centre fucking stage 1 5 6 4 C G Am F Such lazy songwriting This is music for the deaf It was fine 50 years ago with songs like 'Let It Be' But it's been done again and again Where's the originality? Modern pop doesn't produce classics anymore Timeless tracks that the public just adore Immortal songs like 'Boh Rap' and 'Sweet Child O' Mine' I hardly see 'Old Town Road' filling dance floors in 2069 And whatever happened to creative lyricism A Way With Words is a Wicked Weapon to Whip out in a song But obviously don't overdo it Alliteration And Assonance Are Awesome but don't overcheeeew it And don't emPHAsise the wrong syllable in your lines Or rhyme with the same word as the previous line I was never clever with lyrics or studied hard and learnt the tricks So now when you rhyme 'fire' with 'desire' it makes me feel Take inspiration from lyricists like Sheeran, Bearder and Eminem 'Utter genius' doesn't cover their magic with paper and pen Masters of their craft pleasing ears poetically Aesthetically blinding the mind with lines and types of rhyme designed to push the paradigms of lyrical creation Another modulation And onto the next rant Social media It's great but it can cause a lot of pressure on the artist It's draining to snap it and tweet it and chuck it on the gram I feel like I'm failing this societal exam Why can't it just be about the music and not a popularity contest 250 hearts on your Insta post Woooooow you must be the best I try and play the game Make my fanbase bigger 'Cause obviously no one's gonna listen to a guy with SIX followers on Twitter I'd like to live in a world where the quality of one's music isn't predetermined by their number of Spotify streams The head of A&R silently silencing someone's dreams I work into the early hours sending follow-up emails trying to get features in blogs But it's hard competing in this densely populated catalogue Though sign a record deal and your new plugger will sneak your spin on the target radio station Whereas us unsigned peasants squabble for the almighty 'list of consideration' I wish I was born maybe 50 years sooner When music was a physical product to the consumer What I'd give to personally witness music history being made Michael Jackson's moonwalk or Freddie smashing Live Aid A time when real musicians ruled the lands seas and meadows When writing an album earned more than just half a Tesco's Freddo See I've made about 1 pound 74 in my YouTube revenue But that's no surprise when it's 0 point 00000000000000 02 pence per view Sorry for having a go at the industry like a flame to dynamite I'm just voicing what every failing artist goes to bed thinking each night It's been weird writing a song I know will be hated But musical subjectiveness will long be debated Imagine if music was like sport where only the most talented succeed If you run faster than the others fame is guaranteed Music now is about fitting into pop culture It's epitomised in the charts Music now means writing for the business No longer for the art But on the other side of the coin Disclaimer The truth is I don't believe a single word of any of the bitter comments made in this song This has all been a fictional character An elongated parody of any artistic snob who does actually balls themself up to think in such ways Music is a form of entertainment Not an academic analysis of chordal and lyrical decisions If it
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