Ode to Flattened Oaths
Jonathan Stevens
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Jumping's Jehoshaphat ain't so mean Keeps you from goin' all blaspheme And Jiminy Cricket saved your neck If you don't believe in Gosh, I swear You'll end up in Heck Gal-dang, golly gee Dad-gummed by our Lady Odds-bodkins is a wreck If I don't believe in Gosh, I fear I'll see you there in Heck Make a meal of flattened oaths Pour on milk and butter G-dash-D don't give a hoot What nonsense you utter Gadzooks! Jeezum-crow Gob all fish-hooks, don't ya know Zounds! Methinks this is one stacked deck If we don't believe in Gosh, they say We'll all meet up in Heck It was all pass/fail in college For unlawful carnal knowledge And that "pom-mo" lingo dreck We did NOT believe in Gosh, no way We sure-as-shite went to Heck Avoid eternity in prison Use the proper euphemism Keep that cloven tongue in check Get cool with Gosh right now Or just burn in Heck Do be careful, words bounce back "maudit 'caulisse de tabernack!" H-E-double hockey sticks If no one believes in Gosh, well then What the Heck?
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