Ode to Flattened Oaths

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Jonathan Stevens

Jonathan Stevens (6 January 1977 - 27 December 2013), known as "Dr. Jonny", studied Human Genetics and Biology at Oxford, and worked in medical research. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's at the age of 33. He was a British medical researcher and campaigner for people with Parkinson's disease. He collapsed and died at Christmas 2013. A post mortem found that he had an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. A photography competition now runs in his memory as he himself had a keen interest in photography, which he continued to explore even after his Parkinson's diagnosis. more »

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Jumping's Jehoshaphat ain't so mean
Keeps you from goin' all blaspheme
And Jiminy Cricket saved your neck
If you don't believe in Gosh, I swear
You'll end up in Heck

Gal-dang, golly gee
Dad-gummed by our Lady
Odds-bodkins is a wreck
If I don't believe in Gosh, I fear
I'll see you there in Heck

Make a meal of flattened oaths
Pour on milk and butter
G-dash-D don't give a hoot
What nonsense you utter

Gadzooks! Jeezum-crow
Gob all fish-hooks, don't ya know
Zounds! Methinks this is one stacked deck
If we don't believe in Gosh, they say
We'll all meet up in Heck

It was all pass/fail in college
For unlawful carnal knowledge
And that "pom-mo" lingo dreck
We did NOT believe in Gosh, no way
We sure-as-shite went to Heck

Avoid eternity in prison
Use the proper euphemism
Keep that cloven tongue in check
Get cool with Gosh right now
Or just burn in Heck

Do be careful, words bounce back
"maudit 'caulisse  de tabernack!"
H-E-double hockey sticks
If no one believes in Gosh, well then
What the Heck?

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