Song parody of

One Thing (36 Questions)

by Jesse Shelton, Jonathan Groff

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[JASE] One thing I came out here for one thing And that little bitty one thing Was to forget about you But I guess I've learned something That there's never really one thing 'Cause pretty quickly one thing Evolves into two, or three, or more For example See the light in the hallway? It was always flickering Ever since I was little It was always flickering After three days here, it was unbearable My list grew Two, fix the light bulb And one, forget about you Drove to town, bought a bulb One of those new LEDs Brought it home, put it in But the wires weren't connecting Suddenly, they went on the fritz My list grew Three, rewire the ceiling Two, fix the lightbulb And one, forget about you So I went to the attic And to my utmost delight There it is, black mold Killing us slowly each night And I feel it's my duty to remove it My list grew Four, kill the black mold Three, rewire the ceiling Two, fix the lightbulb And one, forget about you [JUDITH] Yeah, but my one thing Is really just… [JASE, spoken] I'm not done [JASE] See the tarp in the hallway? That used to be a gallery wall Lots of pictures, super classy Sad I had to make the call, but In scouring for mold, I had to take the place apart Because sometimes to solve a problem You follow it back to the start (Doorbell rings) [JUDITH, spoken] Oh. Who's that? [JASE, spoken] No one. It just does that when it rains (sung) When I tried to rebuild the wall that I'd taken down I discovered two holes burrowed right into the ground And I didn't have the heart to kill 'em So my list grew But then, the cement that I found to fill in the gaping holes Wasn't good, it didn't stick Apparently, cement can get old?! In trying to fix one thing, I made everything worse My list grew Nine, buy new cement Eight, take care of this duck I found Seven, clean out the pipes for the bathroom and the kitchen Six, rebuild the wall Five, keep out the pests Four, kill the black mold Three, rewire the ceiling Two, fix the lightbulb And one, forget about you [JUDITH] I think it's lovely To see you fix up this old house Because you want it to be Nice for your family But I think maybe you're obsessing Over things you can control Hoping to control your feelings for… [JASE, spoken] What?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no… [JUDITH] So you came here Looking for one thing And you're saying that one thing Was to forget about me Well, all I am asking Is for you to do the first thing Which could also be the last thing That you do with me [JASE, spoken] These things needed to get done– okay, okay Just… just… just stop moving towards me. Just stay on your side of the room Okay? So we can talk this out Well, listen… well, listen If my moms are gonna be so nice to have me out here And respect my need to be alone during this really insane Crazy, impossible time of my life The absolute least I can do is, you know, just… just go around And… and… and… and… and… Destroy their house. [JUDTH, spoken] After tonight, you'll never hear from me again. If that's what you want. Everything we need to fix our marriage is inside this envelope. I'm asking for one chance (Jase sighs) [BOTH] We'll do this one thing It is the first thing We're doing together Since [JUDITH] You left without saying a word [JASE] I found out you are not who I thought you were [BOTH] We'll do this one thing It could be the last thing

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One Thing (36 Questions)

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