All Cartoons Are F***** D****

On Monday, I had drinks with Barney Rubble We hit a couple divvy little bars We noticed there was quite a lovely lady Sittin' at the table next to ours Now Barney, who was pretty friggin' wasted Got up and stumbled over with a groan He said, "Hey, just between us, my Neanderthalic penis Is as massive as a Stegosaurus bone!” All cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “Did Barney really say that?” “Oh, yeah! He is a bastard” “Wow!” “And he, and he really does not give a damn About the feelings of women! And it's sad! It's really sad” “Well you think that's bad, listen to this” One day I met an ape of great charisma Magilla the Gorilla was his name He wore a little hat and matching bow tie A fashion which has brought him great acclaim I said, "What do you see as your career-peak? Of all your many flashy escapades” He said, "Well this is funky, but you're lookin' at the monkey Who’s responsible for bringing you the AIDS“ All cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “So he’s the cold prick?” “I say that is just awful!” “Okay, okay! Listen to this little gem" I had a conversation at a party With famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer Fudd He told me I just had to see his rifle And dropped it on the table with a thud I said to him, “It’s quite a lovely firearm” He told me his fiancé likes it too He said, “This maybe corny but it really gets me horny When I press it to her temple while we screw!” All cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “Aw, God! That is one shit bastard!” “Eww, you’re not kidding?” “Yeah, that, that kinda’ stuff’s against the law too, I think” “Well, I got one that’s even worse than that” On Friday night I went to get some candy Some soda and some chips and other stuff Along the way I passed a little alley And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff I said to him, “Hey! You’re that famous crime dog!” He said, “I only work from nine to five! And now it’s close to tennish and I got a job to finish ‘Cause as you can see this hooker’s still alive!” All cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “That’s awful!” “Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!” “He is a dick, he is a dick!” “Yes, yes! He’s a nasty cartoon, but I can top that Listen to this!” One day as I was strolling through the forest I happened on some mushroom covered turf And there from underneath a patro-fungus Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf He said, “This is our secret mushroom village!” I said, “Then I’m the first to see these views?” He said, “I’m only kidding ‘Cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians Adams, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!” All cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!” “Oh, he’s a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe And you know what I did when I got home?” “What?” “I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!” “That’s sweet" “Can I go next?” “Of course, sweetie!” “One day I met a” “Holy crap! Look who’s here, it’s Jason Alexander!” “Hey, Cartoon-haters!” “But, but I was supposed to go next!” “Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!” “I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree Cartoons are real fuckin' assholes!” “Yeah, that’s sorta what we’ve been trying to communicate” “Well, get a load of this!” “He said load!” “I know! I heard!” I once met Scooby-Doo at a premiere bash He looked a little haggard and he stunk He said, “The trouble started last December When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk” And now he’s got a child out of wedlock It’s dealing his career a fatal blow I asked him, “Where’s the baby?” He said, “Jason, buddy, maybe now you see Why fuckin’ Scrappy’s gotta go!” All cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?” “Shocking, isn’t it?” “Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?” So let us leave you now with one suggestion A bit of wisdom you can take for free The Mickeys and the Goofys and the Daffys Are not the gentle souls they seem to be So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix He’s in a fix! Sit back and just observe it ‘Cause the little shits deserve it For all cartoons are fuckin' dicks “So! When do we get to the 'off-color' part of the album?”