Memories of Home

My first memory, my birthday on a party bus Pops wasn't there but that wasn't obvious In Mom's arms, in God we trust Black Mama love, everything marvelous I didn't know what I was missin', part of a system Pops is gone, Uncle in prison Inside wishin' for men to teach me 'bout girls and religion Made my own rendition of grindin' and kissin' Weekend calls to my Dad I'd listen Still I felt distant, distant like love There's only so far that words could really hug Didn't wanna be a thug, older niggas I banged with I learned a lot from them cuts in the basement The smell of blunts laced with a little bit of spice Wise, high niggas, giving me advice We go out and start fights, scuff up our Nikes Come back to talk crap and shoot a little dice This is a slice of life and memories Sittin' in my mind vividly, often they visit me Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da (oh, oh) I'm just tryna find a way to understand (I'm tryna understand) Oh, oh, oh, oh How do I rewind the tape and live in it? (oh-ooh, ooh-ooh, oh-oh, oh-oh) Stayin' out late and playin' in Wonderland (ooh-ooh, oh-oh-oh) Is it in God's plan? I'm just tryna find my way to understand it Metaphors can't explain how far I came A young man at work, I made my own lane Steered away from pain, relied on drive There's a old saying, "Don't cry, survive" As I kept building there were cranes in the sky Certain memories my brain would deny A tear laid in my eye, I was afraid to reply To the hurt that was callin', it came from the sky An older play cousin, of course I trust him But he was touchin' where he wasn't supposed to be touchin' What's a kid supposed to do? When they goin' through, what I was goin' through Don't know who to go to You want to tell somebody In many ways, I failed somebody That somebody was me Now I'm talking to little Rasheed Incarcerated heart, man, you gotta be free I felt it, when I told my man I would help with Things he was dealin' with I really hadn't dealt with Emotions meltin', I began to release it Things you can't change, you could come to peace with At least get it better for the children of forever I read the Lord's letter, I forgive our debtors They don't talk about it, maybe sharing their story Memories of home, shared pain and glory Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da (oh, oh) I'm just tryna find a way to understand (I'm tryna understand) Oh, oh, oh, oh How do I rewind the tape and live in it? (ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, oh-oh, oh-oh) Stayin' out late and playin' in Wonderland (ooh-ooh, oh-oh-oh) Is it God's plan? I'm just tryna find my way to understand it Said I'm tryna understand, understand, understand, understand Ay hey, oh oh, oh