Thirty

There was a time When you put your hand on the small of my back I was surprised that you touched me like that But there in your hand was a current of life I could hardly stand I stayed still And I didn't mention it If I did, I made some joke of it It was strange how I could feel so sane So plain when you're around And unbidden to me There it rose, the fantasy Colored rose and easy Yeah, I could see it so simple, unsubtle Impossible, clearly And strange Far and as close as a mountain range On the horizon driving all day There I was, so sane So plain after everything Gas came down From a buck-twenty The joke was how It broke the economy anyhow The dollar was down But my friends opened businesses There were new children And again, I didn't get married I wasn't close to my family And my dad was raising a child in Nairobi She was three now, he told me Gas stations I laughed in I noticed fucking everything The light, the reflections Different languages, your expressions We would fall down laughing Effervescent And all over nothing, all over nothing Just as though It was a joke my whole life through All of the pain and sorrow I knew All of the tears that had fallen from my eyes I can't say why When I walked in the park Under the shade I avoided your eyes I was ashamed of my own mind No SSRIs My day is dark as your night Oh, you got The kindest of eyes I cannot help but notice sometimes But you know, as do I I cannot look twice without falling right Into the sweet and the tender line between Something that can and can never be And just then an ambulance Passed on the street And you took my arm reflexively That was the year I was thirty That was the year you were thirty-one That was the year that we lost, or we won That was the year I was thirty That was the year you were thirty-one That was that year, now here Now here is another one