Your Champion

Take 'em way back, way before I wrote a track Before the setbacks, anxiety attacks Relaxing, reading Percy Jackson Hatching my adventurous mind Captivated on the edge of a dangerous time Conspiring inspiring stories Motivated by the hope they wouldn't bore me Don't abhor me when I confess I wanted more than what your town bore me Before I was obsessed with the order of my mind's priorities I just wanted to be part of something that was bigger than myself Only feeling like I was always left on the shelf But it's hard to show and tell while I'm hiding in a shell Hold an internal broadcast until the spell breaks Then as I got old Great things I was told About the good Lord God whose superpower was love He had called me to serve so I could rise above For as long as I can remember I wanted to taste glory I saw the dreamy look in your eyes I believed your great love story But I got buried beneath the embers Burned alive, set on fire for Christ I wanted to be your champion I wanted to be your champion I never meant for things to end this way Too young to agree to the rules of this game I'm at a loss for words I never wanted to be a traitor Fast-forward to a freight train in the fast lane Racing off the rails, but it's not pain if there's no gain And the name of the game is reaching outside the frame Hanging onto nothing, acting like it's not deranged But everybody else is holding out for something I tried to be somebody else Nobody could tell I was bluffing So I lost all sense of self Took 'em two and a half years to notice my declining mental health By then, I was already insane Hooked on codependence and limerence Looked for the feel of a sacred bliss But all I ever did was traumatize a treasured friend At my wit's end, supernatural bullets in my head Casings still in my skull Radiation therapy didn't make me whole Charred from within, organs black as sin Shadows of smoke, the ghost of what I could've been Moses never made it to the Promised Land Loyalty falters at the wavering patience of a man Do you understand? Never show a chosen one what's in your hand 'Cause the moment that they turn It'll be used against you soon as they can Do you understand? I wanted to be your champion I wanted to be your champion Torn between two worlds like I'm living as an ocean A daughter of Poseidon, but the waves keep me uncertain And why am I always the one making compromises? Darling, I can't survive like this Oh, would you despise me for having a sense of self-preservation? So I made reservations with the general To fight on the other side of enemy lines in a war that I never signed up for I never wanted to be a traitor