You Puttem All To Shame

You crossed a black cat's path when you encountered me Somebody should have said this here was a carnival The only way out again's back through the livingroom Which you were just driven from on account of your destiny You, with your vacant heart throwing your weight around Just like you owned the joint or like you knew someone Making your crass remarks into their fold-out smiles As all of their watches chimed and somewhere a sailor drowned Tears like a jet-streamed sky raking your made-up face I caught a glimpse of you inside the hallway meer You looked like a vagabond you looked like a stolen wife Or what is the word for it? you looked simply out of place And as the hostess rose shouting her lover's name Crying for ornaments and for a tablecloth I saw how you fell apart then gathered up yourself You puttem all to shame, you puttem all to shame Just as the matador flung off his captain's cape In preparation for some kind of ritual The astronaut cleared his throat as if he would make a toast Then he restrained himself with a whole roll of plumber's tape "I don't care what the bible says," shouted the bathroom stall Addressing the minister distributing sacraments Out of a purse he stole out of the parsonage Pardoning pilferage at no extra charge at all Back at the ranch meanwhile nobody'd moved a bone The sheriff was flinging cards into a hangman's noose The deputy watched a fly buzzin around the room Drew back the velvet drapes looked out at a parking cone A fat lady stood and belched saluted the flag and sang: Somewhere a child is born somewhere a child dies Nobody looks at you they don't think you're beautiful But you puttem all to shame you puttem all to shame You puttem all to shame, just like a needle plunging into a vein That carries the antidote that's full of the cure from the heart to the brain You puttem all to shame- Lord Alfred makes his rounds handing out red balloons Asking for tickets, please saying Please Watch Your Step Producing a handkerchief dripping with turpentine Peddling silverware and stopping to smell the fumes The emperor's crown's been caught over the mantelpiece A bystander claimed it was made out of mistletoe Lonely men gathered round waiting for girls to come The pianist blew trombone his requiem masterpiece The sofa is filling up like it was a safety boat With politician's wives and the offspring of janitors There was a pack of dogs I think they were Sherlock Holmes' Charging the drawbridge doors molesting an overcoat And you in your pleated skirt looking so torn apart How did your hair get wet? it's not even raining out I could have kissed you then you would have hated me You puttem all to shame, you puttem all to shame Up at the podium the weatherman prophesies All bets are off this year blaming technology The postman has been delayed due to the hurricane Just then some legs walked in in search of a centipede The judge entered, wig-and-all some people stood and cheered Others threw fruit at him others forget-me-nots His gavel was in his hand his sword hanging by his side His breath smelled of bubblegum bacon grease in his beard And people have asked before what is it I see in you I always respond to them well isn't it obvious? You held a parasol under a chandelier You lit your cigarette in the coals of a barbecue It was your corkscrew gaze meeting my tailspin frame That was the moment when I knew you were the one They were the best of theirs you were no match for them You put em all to shame you puttem all to shame You puttem all to shame, just like a lost child that nobody claims Whose manifest radiance is offered to everyone and then goes down the drain