The People-Eating Garden (Off West Aberdeen)

I've got a garden in the square Unlike one anywhere The things that happen there Are so depraved you won't believe it All the flowers have the tendency No, it's more of a dependency Not on rain or sun or air so fresh But on the sweet and supple taste of human flesh It's a people-eating garden Where the buttercups butter up you It's a people-eating garden It's so beautiful when it's in bloom The petunias and the orchids Eat the children nosing around And as they chomp on more and more kids You get used to the screaming sounds So whether you wanna see nature's food chain Get ripped apart at the seams Or just a range of the strangest hydrangeas you've seen Go to the people-eating garden Off west Aberdeen Yes, it's quite the striking sight You could say it's got real bite While it's clearly a delight The board of public safety has their opinions But just follow my exact advice You will see the garden's very nice Just read the rules and regulations through And you won't find a lily or lilac attackin' you Oh, it's a people-eating garden But those people don't have to be you You can outlive your friends and neighbors If you do what I tell you to No sandals or open toes Lest the ivy take a chew And never stick your nose in the face of a rose Or the rose may take the nose off of the face of you I'm talkin' just plain simple common sense here I've done my research in books, magazines I've got azalea paraphernalia practically up to my knees To run my people-eating garden Off west Aberdeen Now I'll admit I've grown a bit Obsessed with my lovely flowers And it's true That one or two Folks I know have been devoured But that's part of the risk, that's part of the fun It's all part of the question, should you look, smell, or run It's not a bug, it's a feature, it's a feature attraction Come step up and see the murder garden in action 'Cause a humble daffodil Wouldn't give you half the thrill That a man-eating tulip will People crave a dash of blood and horror And we all love the tingly brush of fear And where else could you go but here To get eaten by a garden hedge That's what we in the biz like to call a competitive edge Oh, it's a people-eating garden Where what's dyin' on the vine is you It's a people-eating garden It's a botanical satanical zoo The zinnia's insidious They put the carnage in carnation And what the lavender does is hideous Just last week - oh the headlines It was quite the sensation So come on down to the garden Bring the fam and survey the greens Where the amaryllis wants to kill us in a way most obscene And the marigold caused hysterical fuss the day it ate the teens Splattering brains across the strangest hydrangeas ever seen At the people-eating garden At the people-eating garden At the people-eating garden off west Aberdeen Deen, dee-dee-dee-deen At the people-eating garden off west Aberdeen