All I Can Do

Feel like I got so much to say to you But what good is thinking it if I ain't gon' say it too I've been holding in emotions everyday with you I barely make it through It's like only half of me come to visit you To you the rest of me's is invisible Stressing bout the things I didn't say or didn't do It's so hard to be myself I'm just pretending to I remember the day that I opened up to you And you opened up to me About your alcoholism and your addiction In your house I was sitting on the couch and it started clicking Old memories start to sound the same As a story Royce told on a song called "Cocaine" I was riding shotgun and you were driving Then we stopped to get gas and you went in to get snacks Or probably to piss I took a sip from your drink not knowing what it is McDonald's cup, it wasn't Sprite or Coke It was Vodka and I'm only 8 years old So now it's burning up my nose and down my throat I spit it out the window I can't stand the fire I only know that smell as hand sanitizer That's when they Aidan said it's alcohol I don't know about that at all Asked you when you got back to the car You said it ain't yours it's your co-workers Looking back on it I bet that you was so nervous You was lying to us But I ain't put that together till I was much older That was your alcohol in the driver's cup holder But time flew and I grew smarter and less sober I'm like you but I'm just the part that was left over Let me be clear I'm not just being judgmental Cause all I'm really trying to do is to say that I truly get you And while it's true that I don't know all that you've been through I do know what it's like to drink your problems out of sight Cause when you're hiding from your life it's like the alcohol protects you Please don't think for a second that I resent you Even though I don't call as much as I'm meant to You still send the payments when tuition and the rent due Uh What does that make our relationship? How I never ask for money but feel guilty for taking it But it's less about the money that you're sending through It's more the fact that I still feel in debt to you as long as I depend on you I guess I'm begging your pardon cause it's been hard And I'm not upholding my end of the bargain I'm falling apart and I put my heart in this art But when I just try to keep marching I wind up back at the start Yeah I tell myself that it's not my responsibility I need your help but instead it feels like you're guilting me I'm hurting too so it's hard to have any sympathy You think I need to hear from you that my sister misses me Intentionally you message me sentimentally Mentioning that she tends to be restlessly waiting And so you sent for me The part that really gets to me is knowing you can't depend on me So how can she? Clear to see the problem but harder to find a remedy But that's another story for another song Cause I could go on and on If I was strong it'd be easy to right my wrongs But I'm not So instead of calling you this right here is all I can do