PTSD

What if, let's go a little deeper, if we were to address some of the skeletons that were in the closets And we were able to bring those skeletons out as a family and really address them and bury them well What if we were able to actually change the world from inside of a family and out Swear I'm so tired of being drained, need a constant motivation The minute I break ties with Karen, I must not be thinking Mental patient lacking patience but thank god that I'm sedated Got some shit to ease my mind but if not ill have to bake it Always having complications, I swear shit don't go my way It's like they having revelations every time they see me break And don't nobody see the pain, can you see what's going on I always say I'm okay when anybody asks what's wrong It's just easier to say, how I say I feel down I ain't feeling like myself, been too long to say I'm found Told my mama how I feel and she say it's cause of stress If she only understands that I feel like this to my death This feeling will never leave, swear I had it since a child Feeling like I ain't deserve the chance to live right now I ain't saying that nobody really love me cause I know it Got a big heart, let the shit stop, who gon' tow it I ain't saying that I'm hurt, I just don't know what it is Why I try and make me cry but I never shed a tear I been feeling like this since the Centennial days Why you think I love sad music, all that I make I been trying to vocalize the way I feel but I ain't close There ain't no grit inside my voice, that's just pain and it just spoke How you feel about it, ain't no pressure, speak opinions loudly I'm a grown man, feelings finna kill me, say it proudly When I'm outtie, everybody say they love me, I'm they dog I'm alive, don't believe them, I went olo through that drought Watch them open up they mouth, nothing but lies inside a voice If I choose to end it early, they gon' hate I made that choice I think I need another therapist, I had one some years ago I can't see the tunnel clearly, I been trying to tunnel through the smoke Had a house with everybody that I love, disappearing And I had to move Zeus, but a breakdown I was fearing I would go to the door and open that curtain And lo and behold, he would pop his face right into that panel Where I opened the curtain Oh, what a great feeling It's just easier to say how I say I feel down I ain't feeling like myself, been too long to say I'm found Told my mama how I feel and she say it's cause of stress If she only understands that I feel like this to my duck This feeling will never leave, swear I had it since a child Feeling like I ain't deserve the chance to live right now I ain't saying that nobody really love me cause I know it Cause I know it Draco moved away, love my lil' nigga, wanna see him Pasto fell in love, wanna see him happy, so I'm cheering So I choose to put a love inside a girl who did me dirty Let emotions get the best of me, felt like I ain't worthy See my sister do her ex, how my exes did me And I know just how he feeling, but it's best if I don't speak Know a way to end it all, it involve some alcohol Gotta drink until you're happy, that's the way to solve it all I ain't lying, I was never into drinking, I'll smoke I got downtown, lonely times, liquor made me cope Surrounded by some rejects, trying to drink the pain away Drinking with some alcoholics, all I had to do at days Now I'm thinking damn, like man, I can't taste drink Smoking all these blacks, waking up, make my breath stank Why I fell in love with death, I try to question it Why I feel rebellious all the time towards the government Why I feel the only way to fix it is with death I ain't even have a seed when I leave, what is left Got a coping mechanism, can't explain it, not by choice Every time I have a feeling, gotta kill it with a voice and I don't know It's just easier to say how I say I feel down I ain't feeling like myself, been too long to say I'm found Told my mama how I feel and she say it's cause of stress If she only understand that I feel like this to my death This feeling will never leave, swear I had it since a child Feeling like I ain't deserve the chance to live right now Live right now Live right now Live right now Live right now Your father may have not provided you with what you longed for It wasn't the car, it wasn't the Barbie It was actually his time that you really wanted When you're able to verbalize that to him, then you actually have an advantage