Justification

I'm running after answers I'm running from demons I'm chasing these ghosts and running from mirrors I've seen my reflection but I couldn't understand This fear it turned into rage I couldn't comprehend I run with desperation, I run from expectations I'm chasing reparations take the blame know where to place it I put it on me but that never made a lick of sense I'm tired of feeling worthless put it in a past tense I took a drive in the rain and I made this perfect song I've picked myself apart but I was perfect all along I've just been swimming in this pain it's so hard to be strong But I'm not drowning anymore I know it won't be long Until this hatred is a memory it's long gone I'm taking back the wheel I'll take it for the long haul I'm chasing happiness and greatness because I deserve it I know I'll never fail cuz I've always been worthy But where's the justification for everyone who hurt me? Like why me what the fuck did I do to deserve it? I never had an answer so I just made it internal A child at heart forever been so hard to love the journey The odds been stacked against me, I always overcome My origin two different worlds like the moon and the sun And that's some shit that I wouldn't wish upon anyone Despite it all I've tried my best to be the perfect son And I've failed like over and over All my life I've felt like Sisyphus pushing his boulder I could never see the plan and never get the closure All the weight from generations resting on my shoulders But what we choose to do with it's in the eye of beholder And maybe I'm still bitter but I'm trying to get closer To understanding I can be my own man And every scar on my flesh only bolsters who I am It ain't my definition but I'm flipping it I'm trying to let go of the pain and see my vision manifesting like I'm living it This rhythm hits I'm kicking it and whipping through the world I got the wheel I'm gripping it I'm navigating the absurd And I'm cruising I'm winning I'm losing I'm choosing To take all of the hurt I'm flipping it learning to use it With penmanship, this my betterment for my benefit I love my damn self and that truth is self evident Cuz all this hurt's never justified But I won't keep the pain inside For every tear that I've never cried I'm sick of waiting for someone to come and make it right I put my faith in the world again I see the man in the mirror and I know we friends Found faith in the pen I'm finding peace within I won't put me on a cross for the world's sins