Panic

I've tried my hardest but i'm still Where i started Even after all the bounds and leaps Always feel behind no matter how High i climb The bars always out of reach Shattered hearts corrupt minds and Cause bodies to grow roots and rot Scattered darts erupt cries from my Mother to stop They sound like screams from Dreams of self asphyxiation Don't make me go to sleep and have To replay them My waking life is even worse, i feel Like i'm cursed So I'll lay collecting dust till the day I'm in a hearse Take all the abuse about my wasted Potential I'm okay with being average but they Want me to be special So I scraped clawed crawled my way Up to the surface Now I wander through the valleys Looking for a better purpose And I'm scaling Mountains with no Sight of the top No hope so cold but I know I can't Stop At least I have a mindset that put me Up on my feet Every rep every set done with perfect Technique Bought a truck from my job that i Work six days a week And i feel like i caught up and Haven't hit my peak I'm still the same? Nothings changed? Im spoken to like a stray dog thats Wrapped in chains Even after all these battles with this Mental state? This was all a waste? I'm still the Same? I've tried my hardest but i'm still Where i started Even after all the bounds and leaps I Always feel behind no matter how High i climb The bars always out of reach Am i enough? Have I done what I needed to as a Son? Can I put down this gun? Am i enough? If push comes to shove Am I worthy of your love? Pressures are rising and I'm getting Sick of fighting I wanna shut down again wanna let Down my friends I feel the walls closing in being Crushed by all my sins Saw abyss and then i flinched my Lifespan is now wearing thin Senses overloaded i just cant control It My nose is stuffed and done with my Ears have fucking exploded Every touch feels like attacks Incoming My heart is beating pumping my Lungs have dried and shrunken Now i'm squinting i lost my vision its Getting blurry Knees have caved in forces of nature Raining down flurries My limbs are shaking my head is Aching everyone's worried I'm going numb I think I'm done Chest weighing tons Hysteria sets in i taste the salt from My tears Cant bring my breathes in i'm Flooded with all my fears Drowning abandonment large Heights lost my will to live I feel so inadequate i have nothing Else to give Pleading with my body just Shutdown already I can't take this anymore stop please I'm out of energy, i feel unsteady I've given every ounce to find peace