Seven Years

Years of carefully laid foundation Friendship first, a buried connection I whined and pined and drank too much wine Until you finally asked if we could try I cried to my friends about our limited time But when asked about me, you'd laugh and you'd lie Your friends never liked me (Well except your best mate) You both tried to claim me Then preach "bros" a little too late Sitting in the dust and ash of our long dead flame I can't help but wonder what if you could do it all again? Would you have been there as I walked across that stage? Gave in the inch so I'd drive 40 miles both ways? Been there for me before he had a chance To swoop in and sweep up the broken pieces you left? What if you had been there the first year I taught Helped guide me through it but no you were not What if I had listened and stayed in Long Beach These what if's are wasted So I'll save the speech Sometimes I cringe at the person I was But did she used to be someone that you could have loved? Seven years of silence Then out of the blue You find me on socials Like it's nothing new My brain is on fire For two whole days straight Over your reply to my Thanksgiving plate I'm dying for answers Why now? Why now? Why? I'm dying to ask you But scared you'd reply "What if I had been there as you walked across that stage? If I gave in the inch so we'd drive 20 miles each way? Been there for you before he had a chance To swoop in and sweep up the broken pieces I left? What if you had been there the first year I taught Helped guide me through it but no you were not What if you had listened and stayed in Long Beach These what if's are wasted So I'll save the speech Sometimes I cringe at the person I was Cause I should've told you that I was in love?" Racing thoughts Too fast to catch My brain, a Repeating insomniac What if i had stayed What if you hadn't lied What if you had fought for us What if we had tried Sitting in the dust and ash from our long dead flame I've wondered how you would've handled me since Would you have been there as I walked across that stage? Gave in the inch to fly 1300 miles both ways? Been there for me before someone new was? In the hardest year of my life what if you had stuck around? From the hospital and doctors, I wasn't sure that night From the three wrong diagnosis before they got it right I made it without you and better than that I've found my own family, my voice, and my cats I'm proud of the person that I have become I'm finally someone that even I love Seven years of progress When out of the blue You find me on socials Like your long brewed crew But the silence is deafening And there's nothing to say The story is over The ink dried on the page (Do you ever hear ocean avenue And remember when we used to cruise Blasting it down that same street All the way back in 2013) (Do you remember that Ross David song The way you'd overplay it all night long On repeat to be reminded of me? Do you let it play out or just skip it now) (Do you ever hear ocean avenue And remember when we used to cruise Blasting it down that same street All the way back in 2013)