Insecurities

I can't make my demons go away I guess my demons are here to stay Life is filled with too many uncertainties All the little things always be hurting me I focus way too much on my impurities I'm a fucking slave to my insecurities Am I good enough for the people I cherish Do I dress ok, do I like the way my hair is Why the fuck am I so obsessed with appearance Why the fuck am I so afraid of getting embarrassed I'm a slave to my emotion So up and down like an ocean My minds a ticking time bomb And there's about to be an explosion Why do I give such a fuck about what other people think The more I do that the more I drink I'm on a boat in an ocean of emotion and I'm about to sink I take every little situation and overthink I can't fall asleep at night because I'm already dreaming I fantasize and idealize everything those are my demons I burn way to many bridges with no other way of crossing These thoughts digging deep into me at night I'm turning and tossing I never think I'm good enough no matter what I do I'm never good enough and apparently not for you You deepened my insecurities every single day And I guess through all that with you I can't be placing the blame I do this to myself, fuck, I do it to myself I compare my achievements to everybody else So when I look at them and they're doing great I feel so happy for them but deep down I'm feeling fucking hate Not hate for them it's hate for me Hate that I'm not good enough but in actuality I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine I'm living a good life But somewhere in my head I hear a dirty lie That me accomplishments are nothing next to those around me And it tears me apart cuz those thoughts are so confounding I can't make my demons go away I guess my demons are here to stay Happiness has eluded me but I think that I should try it I'm sick of falling asleep alone in my bed crying And my friends don't say shit about it like they miming I wonder if they would care if I ended up dying I tried to put on a brave face and keep smiling But deep down in my heart I know I'm lying She was texting me back for a while then she stopped replying They ask are you ok What am I supposed to say Thoughts dark deep in my brain Can't keep my thoughts contained Been dealing with this For a minute for a day for a year Been learning to live with it But it's hard to hide all my tears I've been lonely I've been sad I keep it all to myself Do you know me are you mad I put it on the top shelf Keep it out of reach I fear my feelings Don't do too much healing Take my lips and seal it Always concealing Never truly dealing Happiness has eluded me but I think that I should try it I'm sick of falling asleep alone in my bed crying And my friends don't say shit about it like they miming I wonder if they would care if I ended up dying I tried to put on a brave face and keep smiling But deep down in my heart I know I'm lying She was texting me back for a while then she stopped replying