Problems

To talk about love is a common occurrence But it keep it a hundred I way much prefer it It's so hard for me to hide behind curtains And to bury and cover up all of my burdens My life is so dark I got no light for the shadows Why even fight when I lose all of my battles I'm broken and damaged It's getting harder to manage I think back on life and my happiness vanished It's sad when I get scared to share all my thoughts They get deeper and deeper until I get lost lost If I'm fighting my demons then this is the boss But I'm here now so let's get this problem resolved I get in my car and I drive on the road I could invite some of my friends but i do it alone Turn on some beats to get in my zone I'm skipping and skipping every songs on my phone That's when I look up and think of what's next Get emotional and that's when become a mess Think about stuff like if I got into a wreck Maybe they would all prefer me to be dead I know it's not true but its stuck in my head That's when I ask for help through a text Theres usually only one person that helps me And I'm grateful that at least someone can help me And for the others I dont blame you for not ever helping I guess they just want to stay happy and healthy I lost that privilege when I took it from someone i love I moved on since but my state of mind is just stuck Even though I've lived on and made a few songs Explaining all my wrongs i cant undo all The pain that I cause and the pain I deserve I cant escape until my life sentence is served So until then I'll live every shitty day on this earth I cant find happiness so imma call off the search Its important for you to know how much your worth But I took that gold and turned it to dirt The moment I made our love into something that hurts It used to feel good but now it just burns I used to be the best but now I'm the worst I dont blame you for leaving as I put myself first It's crazy to think that the world that we live in Surrounded by people the men and the women Everyone's special cause everyone's different To think that I found you in the life that I'm living The chances are low with the odds and percentage I'm stupid as fuck to waste the opportunity given I dont deserve to have the thing i was gifted Our time here is short so watch how you spend it I'll never have something as special as that Not because I'm not searching but I still live in the past It's the valuable things that seem harder to last I still remember the sound of all your laughs The car rides the dates Those days you cant replace Though I hope that you do and I hope that he stays I hope he becomes the new happiness you make I hope leaving me meant a new life you create We travel this road but my tires are flat Something that keeps me stuck in the past People drive by but they never care to ask I sit on this road and watch everyone pass I've caged myself like I am scared of the people But that's not true I'm just scared of a sequel I'm scared of running into something more evil I get a glimpse when I take a look out the peak hole Death looks at me and then he waves hi But I guess I'm just not ready to say goodbye Cause we've met a few times yeah more then twice He'll tell me I'm ready but that's a lie I go to my room and I write down our notes Some would say that I'm talking to ghosts The struggle I go through is one that nobody knows I've never touched up on death but I've been super close I'm suicidal but scared of being suicidal So I lie about it but that's just stuff that I do I draw on the walls in my head To match the fairy tales I tell myself instead Close the door and then lay in my bed Wake up with a new world that I've written in red I grab my paper and click up my pen Then I write up a world where I play pretend