Maidstone

Let me tell you about the town that I’m living in Just in case you intend on visiting Pretend piggies’ll fine you if your ciggy isn’t in the bin So keep your eyes peeled or some running shoes We’ve got local celebs that you might see Don’t be alarmed if you spot a man with a parrot on his shoulder Walking down the high street at high speed. It’s normal We used to have a dude with a stereo Blasting “Is This The Way To Amarillo” everywhere he goes I ain’t seen him in a minute though Wish I could’ve got him for this video but anyway Eastender Reggie Kray done time here And Eastender Barry Evans resides here Least that’s what you find out through the grapevine here I hated it, now I’m having a great time here I already know what you’re thinking, why here It’s kind of alright here, not too far from London But don’t miss the last train back, that’s a nightmare Can’t be much crime here Police arrested me at twelve for carrying eggs Your tax was spent wise there Greetings, pop in if you’re passing But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is Maidstone’s the place I say’s home Greetings, pop in if you’re passing But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is Maidstone’s the place I say’s home We’re a purple flag town if you fancy a night out You can party from lights out until light man We’ve got plenty of pubs here with live bands But will they book Dan? Hell no, ‘cause I rap The river Medway seems enormous So please be cautious approaching them waters What happened to Pat Lamb was a tragedy But I salute the way we came together for his family I used to feel there weren’t room for me here But at times it’s beautiful here Unified when someone dies too soon and there’s bare Chinese lanterns let loose in the air, it just proves that we care And beware of other energies On Bluebell Hill there’s a ghost of a woman in a wedding dress, allegedly I’m repeating what was said to me since I’ve been here This ain’t the city, most buses are green here But you can come shopping if you’re bored There’s Fremlin walk, head shops galore and more Before the Mall was Chequers it was Stone Borough Yo, that’s the place I call home brother Greetings, pop in if you’re passing But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is Maidstone’s the place I say’s home Greetings, pop in if you’re passing But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is Maidstone’s the place I say’s home Out to Tovil and Yalding we’ll call in From Boxley to Coxheath to Stockb’ry From Detling to Linton we’re linking Theston to Leeds, back to Collier Street Even Hunton and East Sutton’ll need suttin From Barming to Marden we’re barring Staplehurst, Thurnham and Downswood you sound good From Ulcombe to Otterden they’re locking in And all the places I’ve forgotten there From Headcorn to Hollingbourne… and the rest