Crooked

Michael had a crooked penis His mom was Vietnamese His father was in the war They lived in the San Fernando Valley Michael and his mom And his little brother Without their dad Michael stared at me From across the room And smiled And stared some more And then came up and said hello And asked me on a date He didn't have a car But I did So I drove out to the valley Where he'd prepared a picnic At a park In a secluded place Where we could chat and cuddle I drove out to the Valley again And picked him up To bring him to my family's house At the beach We went swimming I taught him how to body surf He wasn't very good But it was his first time In the ocean And he was fearless And smiling And I smiled back I'd been elected president Of my high school So over that summer I went to student council camp 3,000 high school Student leaders From across the state Of California Where we engaged in workshops And team building exercises And I wrote letters to Michael Every night Thinking about his crooked penis That I discovered on that day When I brought him to the beach And didn't say Anything I'd just become quiet And he noticed And asked about it And I said it was nothing Nothing's wrong One day at leadership camp We gathered in the auditorium And watched a film Based on the human relations camp I was already a youth leader at For the last two years The film, like the camp, talked about Racism And then Sexism and then Anti-Semitism and then Homophobia and then They turned the lights back on And the facilitators facilitated A conversation About everything In the film Except homophobia Even though the auditorium Had broken out in jeers and laughs During that section I started to sweat And to breathe heavy Wondering what to do Feeling like Like I was going to explode I got up Walked outside Made up my mind Went back in And raised my hand Thinking maybe someone else Would too After I had But no one else did I was alone Wondering out loud Why the facilitators Had done this to me To others like me Why did you set us up And then let us down? I can't remember How they responded But I suppose They did somehow But I was alone And I walked out alone Surrounded by Everyone else And I stayed at the camp Until it was over Alone Writing to Michael Struggling to put my experience Into ink Onto paper Into an envelope Into the mail To arrive to Michael Sometime later Wondering what I would ever do With his crooked penis It wasn't just bent It was crooked Like a boomerang Word spread And my high school Took on the name bi-high Over the summer On account of me I got my ears pierced And wore a silver male symbol In each ear On the first day of school I felt like everyone Was staring at me All of the time And I had dropped Michael Without explanation Though he pled for one Became angry when I Wouldn't give him one Maybe if he'd mentioned His crooked penis Himself I would have Said something But he didn't And I couldn't say it So I Couldn't say anything He didn't have a car He lived in the valley I could avoid the places I knew he went More or less