Broken

I always question why I feel so broken Sometimes I feel like I'm losing hope and I just pray that I can find me You see me smile but things ain't always what they might seem It's been a while since I felt peace This depression has been spreading like a damn disease I hope I find a cure before this shit is too late Grab the rope and end my life like Saddam Hussein And people got the fucking nerve to judge That's why it's hard for me to vent and don't know who to trust And truth be told I can't even trust myself Contemplating suicide this shit is not good for my health, so pathetic But you ain't seen the tears I've shedded It breaks my fucking heart to see the path in which I'm headed Cause I'm lost, and death has never felt so close Ain't no one else to blame cause this the path in which I chose So forgive me Please forgive me for my selfish thoughts Apologize for my mistakes and the pain I've caused I've tried my best but my best is not enough I'm tryna' hold on but I don't think I'm strong enough I'm slowly dying I'm slowly dying and I'm breaking down The day I'm lying underground I'll be safe and sound And if you know me I know that shit hurts to hear But I've grown weak and no longer can I persevere No longer can I persevere And I can't listen to advice cause that shits not sincere So many years I been fighting with my demons Used every ounce of strength till' this day I can't defeat 'em Dreaming of the day that I find peace within my freedom Cause I don't want to wake up I'm so tired of fucking breathing Tired of living life cause I don't understand the meaning And I've been losing sight of what is love cause love is so deceiving Said love is so deceiving J. Cole said it best people change like seasons It's the truth either better or for worse And I'm thankful for my family but it's like a precious curse Cause it hurts When that love is not reciprocated What you once saw in someone becomes pixelated I fucking hate it, the person I once knew I crave it I wish I never met you you're the reason why I'm breaking You're the reason why I'm aching every day You're the reason why I packed my bags and had to get away You're the reason why I'm cracked in half and haven't been the same You're the reason why I'm sad and always drenched within the rain You're the reason why I had a purpose Ever since I lost you I feel fucking worthless I hope your life from here on out is perfect Ain't no connection left between us like we lost our service I wish this was a nightmare But then I realize that I'm still standing right here The same ground which I fell upon repeatedly Around the same love that has always believed in me Through all my downfalls and struggles I've encountered Never left my side when my life was going downward When I had no strength in myself they gave me power To never let that light die inside through my darkest hour Through my darkest hour I'mma sprout more than ever like a lotus flower I'll take my wounds and I'll turn it into wisdom I'll become a hero to the children that are victims, I promise you No matter what just know you're not alone Cause deep inside we all come from a broken home But that's what made us, that's what made us who we are Just know there's beauty buried deep inside of every scar Heavens far but your angels are close by Grab your loved ones cherish them and hold tight But don't cry, hold it in, homie don't cry Everything will be okay you'll be just fine Have faith, and put your trust in God Believe in yourself and you will beat the odds Take all your pain and embrace all your flaws And you gon' realize you ain't broken after all You ain't broken after all You ain't broken after all