Song parody of
First-Time Caller
by Stephen Koritta
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I'm a first-time caller
For a lifetime, now, I've listened
I'll be taking all my answers off the air
I'm a white-knuckle flier
On this plane of existence
With more baggage than I manage to declare
I'm afraid of confrontation
I'm afraid of fallin' out
I'm not right with tight spaces and loose ends
I'd rise above my station
But I don't see it comin' about
And I'm certain it's a burden to my friends
I make bein' uneasy look easy
They say that wringin' the hands is all in the wrist
And I'm all messed up with no place to go
Kindly, help me find a way straight out of this
Blest are the peace-makers
And blessed are the meek
The persecuted, poor in spirit
I hear it every week
"If you had your pick of crosses, son
You're bound to want yours back"
Well, the bearin' them's the easy part
It's just the hammer and the tack
I make bein' uneasy look easy
They say that wringin' the hands is all in the wrist
And I'm all messed up with no place to go
Kindly help me find a way straight out of this
I'm grateful that you put me on
I sure did love the show
I pledge not to forget you at drive-time
The most faithful vagabond
You'll ever come to know...
I'll be your canary. Be my mine
Tell me there's an upside to bein' upside down
I not seein' that, but, be that as it may
With clouds for my slippers
And a pothole for my crown
I am sovereign under all that I survey
I make bein' uneasy look easy
They say that wringin' the hands is all in the wrist
And I'm all messed up with no place to go
Kindly, help me find a way straight out of this
I'm a first-time caller
For a lifetime, now, I've listened
I'll be taking all my answers off the air
I'm a first-time caller
For a lifetime, now, I've listened
I'll be taking all my answers off the air
I'm a white-knuckle flier
On this plane of existence
With more baggage than I manage to declare
I'm afraid of confrontation
I'm afraid of fallin' out
I'm not right with tight spaces and loose ends
I'd rise above my station
But I don't see it comin' about
And I'm certain it's a burden to my friends
I make bein' uneasy look easy
They say that wringin' the hands is all in the wrist
And I'm all messed up with no place to go
Kindly, help me find a way straight out of this
Blest are the peace-makers
And blessed are the meek
The persecuted, poor in spirit
I hear it every week
"If you had your pick of crosses, son
You're bound to want yours back"
Well, the bearin' them's the easy part
It's just the hammer and the tack
I make bein' uneasy look easy
They say that wringin' the hands is all in the wrist
And I'm all messed up with no place to go
Kindly help me find a way straight out of this
I'm grateful that you put me on
I sure did love the show
I pledge not to forget you at drive-time
The most faithful vagabond
You'll ever come to know...
I'll be your canary. Be my mine
Tell me there's an upside to bein' upside down
I not seein' that, but, be that as it may
With clouds for my slippers
And a pothole for my crown
I am sovereign under all that I survey
I make bein' uneasy look easy
They say that wringin' the hands is all in the wrist
And I'm all messed up with no place to go
Kindly, help me find a way straight out of this
I'm a first-time caller
For a lifetime, now, I've listened
I'll be taking all my answers off the air
