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Nathaniel Street-West

Year:

2003

5:46

100 Views

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I pounded on a farmhouse 
Lookin' for a place to stay. 
I was mighty, mighty tired, 
I had gone a long, long way. 
I said, "Hey, hey, in there, 
Is there anybody home?" 
I was standin' on the steps 
Feelin' most alone. 
Well, out comes a farmer, 
He must have thought that I was nuts. 
He immediately looked at me 
And stuck a gun into my guts. 

I fell down 
To my bended knees, 
Saying, "I dig farmers, 
Don't shoot me, please!" 
He cocked his rifle 
And began to shout, 
"You're that travelin' salesman 
That I have heard about." 
I said, "No! No! No! 
I'm a doctor and it's true, 
I'm a clean-cut kid 
And I been to college, too." 

Then in comes his daughter 
Whose name was Rita.
She looked like she stepped out of 
La Dolce Vita. 
I immediately tried to cool it 
With her dad, 
And told him what a 
Nice, pretty farm he had. 
He said, "What do doctors 
Know about farms, pray tell?" 
I said, "I was born 
At the bottom of a wishing well

Well, by the dirt 'neath my nails 
I guess he knew I wouldn't lie. 
"I guess you're tired," 
He said, kinda sly. 
I said, "Yes, ten thousand miles 
Today I drove." 
He said, "I got a bed for you 
Underneath the stove.
Just one condition 
And you go to sleep right now, 
That you don't touch my daughter 
And in the morning, milk the cow." 

I was sleepin' like a rat 
When I heard something jerkin'.
There stood Rita 
Lookin' just like Tony Perkins. 
She said, "Would you like to take a shower? 
I'll show you up to the door." 
I said, "Oh, no! no! 
I've been through this before." 
I knew I had to split 
But I didn't know how, 
When she said, 
"Would you like to take that shower, now?" 

Well, I couldn't leave 
Unless the old man chased me out, 
'Cause I'd already promised 
That I'd milk his cows.
I had to say something 
To strike him very weird, 
So I yelled out, 
"I like Fidel Castro and his beard." 
Rita looked offended 
But she got out of the way, 
As he came charging down the stairs 
Sayin', "What's that I heard you say?" 

I said, "I like Fidel Castro, 
I think you heard me right," 
And ducked as he swung 
At me with all his might.
Rita mumbled something 
'Bout her mother on the hill, 
As his fist hit the icebox, 
He said he's going to kill me 
If I don't get out the door 
In two seconds flat, 
"You unpatriotic, 
Rotten doctor Commie rat." 

Well, he threw a Reader's Digest 
At my head and I did run, 
I did a somersault 
As I seen him get his gun 
And crashed through the window 
At a hundred miles an hour, 
And landed fully blast 
In his garden flowers.
Rita said, "Come back!" 
As he started to load 
The sun was comin' up 
And I was runnin' down the road. 

Well, I don't figure I'll be back 
There for a spell, 
Even though Rita moved away 
And got a job in a motel. 
He still waits for me, 
Constant, on the sly.
He wants to turn me in 
To the F.B.I.
Me, I romp and stomp, 
Thankful as I romp, 
Without freedom of speech, 
I might be in the swamp.

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