Don't Put Your Daughter on the Stage, Mrs. Worthington

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Noël Coward

Sir Noël Peirce Coward (16 December 1899 – 26 March 1973) was an English playwright, composer, director, actor and singer, known for his wit, flamboyance, and what Time magazine called "a sense of personal style, a combination of cheek and chic, pose and poise".

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(the missing last verse)

Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington
Don't put your daughter on the stage
One look at her bandy legs should prove
She doesn't stand a chance
In addition to which, the son of a bitch
Can neither sing nor dance
She's a vile girl
And uglier than mortal sin
One look at her has put me in
A tearing, bloody rage
That sufficed, Mrs. Worthington
Christ! Mrs. Worthington
Don't put your daughter on the stage!

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