Skullcrusher Mountain
by Jonathan Coulton

Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain,
I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far,
I see you've met my assistant Scarface,
His appearance is quite disturbing,
But I assure you he's harmless enough,
He's a sweetheart, calls me Master,
And he has a way of finding pretty things,
And bringing them to me,

I'm so into you,
But I'm way too smart for you,
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy,
I'm not surprised that you agree,
If you could find some way to be,
A little bit less afraid of me,
You'd see the voices that control me,
From inside my head say I shouldn't kill you yet,

I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you,
But I get the feeling that you don't like it,
What's with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies,
Maybe you don't like monsters so much,
Maybe I used too many monkeys,
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony,
Making a gift for you,


Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine,
While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere,
And all the fools who lead their foolish lives,
May find it quite explosive,
Well it won't mean half as much to me if I don't have you here,

You know it isn't easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain,
So maybe you could cut me just a little slack,
Would it kill you to be civil?
I've been patient, I've been gracious,
And this mountain is covered with wolves,
Hear them howling, my hungry children,
Maybe you should stay and have another drink,
And think about me and you,


I shouldn't kill you yet,
I shouldn't kill you yet
Lyrics submitted by Ian.