Merry Fuckin' Christmas
Rex Ross
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Christmas morning they're mourning Cuz they ain't gotten no gifts Santa's sittin' on the chimney Dead from slittin' his wrists He's bleeding milk and cookies Now how fucked up is this? On the roof Rudolph's pissin' And Prancer's takin' a shit And Dancer's lookin' for answers But it ain't making no sense Comet tries to fly off it But he just lands on a fence With the chain-link stuck through 'em No ambulance comin' to 'em Vixen says let's get to 'em But Blitzen says nah man screw 'em Instead of slayin' that dragon They just start draggin' the sleigh Mrs. Clause sayin' naggin' That they took Santa away So they trampled her ass That was the end of her day But then the elves grouped in mass And they've got something to say You reindeer are what you eat And you eat pieces of shit You elves are only two feet And you have really small dicks The whole North Pole is in chaos And everybody is way off But before they start fightin' they Remember the day and say Merry Fuckin' Christmas I hate these gifts you got for me Merry Fuckin' Christmas Lot's of toys, but not for me Merry Fuckin' Christmas Break the star burn the tree Merry Fuckin' Christmas F*ck you all for fuckin' me So all the tough ones are yellin' All the weak ones are bailin' All the rest just start nailing And wailing Sending them sailing Across the room with a boom Until they land on their melon In Frosty zooms with his broom Where he came from there's no tellin' He just starts knockin' 'em off Now Rudolph's blockin' him off Frosty grabs him by the nose To expose what nobody knows Rudolph's nose isn't real Got it at Lows for a deal All the reindeer surround him And now they're wantin' to pound him Rudolph's fear finally found him He pissed so much could've drowned him Frosty has nowhere to go Cuz he's got piss all around him So he just melts in the snow Magic could no longer bound him And Rudolph's nose doesn't glow And so they proceed to hound him Rudolph's head gets cracked open Because the reindeer just smoke 'em There's only 2 elves left going And only 3 reindeer crowing murder They're all so tired of fightin' Almost the end of the night n' They all just grab hands and they Remember the day and say Merry Fuckin' Christmas I hate these wounds you've stuck in me Merry Fuckin' Christmas I'm bleeding very profusely Merry Fuckin' Christmas My eyes are swollen shut can't see Merry Fuckin' Christmas I'll get you back next year you'll see Next day Santa's funeral They all go to it as a whole They all try to hold self-control but F*ck it they lose control They were all Santa's slave And so they piss on his grave And start to engrave what they felt was their right to say You treated us all like shit And you always ate all the cookies You're appreciation just bit And were all better than rookies Everyone thinks you died From some kind of suicide But the truth is we lied Found your milk and slipped drugs inside As you swayed side to side Got you in the sleigh for a ride Rudolph held your hands high As Cupid let the knife slide As you sat on the chimney I had to hold laughter in me You started bleeding so gently I was holding my kidney Mrs. Clause was bitchin' So we killed her Love Blitzen And the cops see this message But by then it's too late The Reindeer had already flown away And the distance too great So they all just start holding hands around Santa's grave singing Merry Fuckin' Christmas Just another murder mystery Merry Fuckin' Christmas Full of violence tears and fuckery Merry Fuckin' Christmas I feel bad for Mr. and Mrs. C Merry Fuckin' Christmas I hope the reindeer don't hate me Merry Fuckin' Christmas
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"Merry Fuckin' Christmas Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/9110625/Rex+Ross/Merry+Fuckin%27+Christmas>.
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