TESTIFY

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Bro. Walker

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Here am I again
Dealing with these emotions and his inner voice
But I refuse to be depressed I refused to be confused
Lord, I rebuke any spirit that is not of you
Sometimes I just need to vent
Thank you for listening

Lord, I just wanna serve you
But the truth is I know that I don't deserve you
Every night I think about the sacrifices you mad
The debt that you paid so I can be saved
That's why I give you all praise,
If they put me in that grave, then I probably would've stayed
I talk about all of the ways that you made
And all the mountains you moved, and all the grace that you gave
HEY

Remember, when I was hustling Boston
I stopped selling dope; me and the homie stopped talking
I still love him, I still love him, I swear I do
I just wanna show him that money just don't compare to you
He won't get it, and I understand it
It's hard to hear when your whole life has been underhanded
When you show your people love and they take you for granted
You give the truth and they just twist and slant it
You feel abandoned
I know

Sometimes I sit inside my office
Crying like baby, counting all my losses
I gotta daughter that I barely even know
She's already 17
I barely got to see her grow
The funny thing is I'm the one who named her
Folks got between us and now it's hard to change her
I can't visit cause she only shows me anger
If I get her on the phone, then she treats me like a stranger
But look
I can't even blame her
Every week there's a new person filling her brain up
Everything that I say or do just seems to shame her
I can't be her daddy if I'm not allowed to train her
Up

Frustrating to think about it
I gave it back to God
I started to drink about it
I put my trust in Him and know that it will get better
One day we'll be back together, it can't stay this way forever
Just watch

It's hard to be a man of God and keep it rea
It's hard to be a man and speak how you feel
They don't receive us the same, we can speak it from the heart
They don't believe us the same
And they wonder why I bury all this pain
If I tell em how I feel, they gone' say that I'm insane
If they knew I put this pistol to brain, they might lock me out the church
And say I'm living in vain (mang)

I tried talking to mama, she's 70 plus, still dealing with her trauma
Of a childhood she never got live
By the age of 30 she was on her 7th kid (that' me)
And I know she couldn't stand me
I was fighting for her love
But she was fighting for Stanley
It explains my dysfunctional family
This internal feeling that they don't understand me
But you do God, and I know you do
Cause even when I miss the mark you keep coming through
Hallelu
I kick some knowledge and they I'm showboating
It's hard to show some people love when their hate potent

I'm not the Christian that I could be
Yes, I'm a husband, but I wonder if I should be
Can you imagine trying to live a Christian life
When the enemy can show up in the one you call your wife
Every night it feels like another fight
Satan shows you so much dark
That it's hard to see the light
You psychoanalyze everything that you do
They want you to question everything that you know to be true
Not me
I won't waiver for a neighbor, for my wife, or my children
Not for love or a hater - not me
I'm gone stand on this Word
Either stand by side, or you can stand at the curb
Some say I ain't Godly because I blitz a little
Sometimes I get angry; sometimes it's for shitz-n-giggles
I've been told that my ministry's done
Never caught the Holy Ghost; never spoke in any tongues
I just deliver the Word as it comes to me
I just live out His work as it runs through me
Lord I need a different path
Cause no matter what I do
Satan's always on my awwwwwww
I got the world on my shoulders
I never show the pain so that world wouldn't know it
Only if they knew how much I cried
I sent the group text and only God replied
So, when it's time to ride, then I ride
I came to spread the Word and will not be denied
Salute to all my folk who tried and even died
Just remember the ONE that was crucified
Testify

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