Still Alive

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I've fallen down a lot the ground is never soft
I been bruised scraped cut from landing on the rocks
I developed tough skin but the pain is never lost
This life taught me a lot so I'm glad I got the scars
I remember playing at the yard by the park
With a couple close friends now I don't know who they are
We was tryna touch the sky didn't realize it's so far
We'd never think for a second that growing up was hard

Here's an ode to the old ways now we went our own ways
We went different paths but we still remember closely
I wish I was the old me ignorant but glowing
Planning out my life age nine I wasn't joking
Responsibilities why's it tryna limit me?
Why they tryna hold me back from being what I'm meant to be?
Is living misery? Is dreaming just a silent plea?
Is getting what I want meant to always be a mystery?
These thoughts are plaguing me I'm trapped inside the letter B
Always fucking second guess a victory ain't meant for me
I'm behind Bound by chains draining everything fulfilling me
Guess home isn't a place just a memory that's breathing

Days are dark and night is when my thoughts awake
Swear I'm living backwards Death is in the breaths I take
It feels that way it feels as if my souls contained
A cage inside my brain it's not safe to face my mental state
Sober's a dream a way and happiness is pills these days
Guilt is knowing past mistakes and fear is why I lie awake
Afraid to change afraid of risks I gotta take
Afraid that if I rearrange I'm losing all that's left of me
Ain't that insanity? I swear that that's insanity
Doing same thing say "tomorrow is a different day"
That's why I write my thoughts are real inside this page
Music's more than noise it's the only way that I escape

Internal torment a distorted sense of self importance
Is deterministic in this lifestyle that I'm still conjoined with
Ration the portions spreading thin what I was born with
My body soul and mind intertwine create this being I'm bored with
No nines or knives just an over active state of mind
Deciding rules I follow that I hate but I still oblige
A mental battle means there's no where I can really hide
At least the tears I'm holding back remind me that I'm still alive

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