The Stages of the Jolly Ticked Off
Seb Fayle
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Stage One Stock up on weapons Take needles, pins, threads and precious metals Jump in the car Pack all but your dead wife A new life has just begun Stage Two Search for food Pass by the park, full of the eaten nude Carry on past Gregg, McDonald & Starbuck 'Cause best luck they're already screwed And worst, they're coming for you Face to face with the maker The Alpha and Omega The weak and over-eager Get killed and come back quicker What is the price for being their saviour Only to die and be remembered By men and women soon to be cadavers I'd rather be one of the survivors Stage Three Search for company It's funny how fast it went from brimming to empty All the friends you had are probably gone Just like everyone else So stop having fun And learn your chances are none Stage Four Erect a fort Block every way in with barbed wire and buckshot Make sure you can last a while Then sit and smile While the spit and bile piles up in your porch And then torch Face to face with the maker The Alpha and Omega The weak and over-eager Get killed and come back quicker What is the price for being their saviour Only to die and be remembered By men and women soon to be cadavers I'd rather be one of the survivors Stage Five Stay alive Stage Six Pick up sticks Stage Seven Break out of Heaven Stage Eight Emigrate Face to face with the maker The Alpha and Omega The weak and over-eager Get killed and come back quicker What is the price for being their saviour Only to die and be remembered By a bunch of soon to be cadavers But there's little otherwise to offer Because they're coming over the barricade Looks like the end of our escapades But we will fight them unafraid Here goes the charge of the light brigade
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