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Chill Smith

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11 39 in the morning
9 21 I was mourning over a phone call
From a friend of mine
I usually don't pick up the phone
I feel I'm in safe company when alone
I feel I'm my best self when I'm alone
I feel I don't need help when I'm alone
Rather do it by myself but then I'm a
I don't feel like feeling anything
I tried to be an alcoholic
But it didn't work
Cause I couldn't commit
It didn't numb anything it just made me feel sick
Is this depression
Just had casual sex
No connection
Tried to penetrate her vigina
No erection
I'm a bisexual now
I asked a question
Unbalance chemicals in my brain
100mg of Zoloft to maintain
Buspirone cause I'm angsty
Only place that I can vent safely
Why am I like this
Could it be a lack of religion
Been years since I asked for forgiveness
Still not ready to vent the trauma that I witness
But when I am I hope you listen
When I was 25 I didn't think suicide was selfish
Like who the f*ck are you to tell me I should be alive like
You don't know me
You don't know my fucking life like
Not up to you if I live or if I die
I have proof in due time that things get better
Well at least things don't stay forever
Willis Smith Jr. I hope you live forever
Mike Pilato
Pops
I want to thank you for letting me into your home
Chris
Thank you for letting me into your family
Forever grateful
Carol Lane
Mom
John I'm sorry
I love Mommy
I love you Dad
I love all yall

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