14 Year Old Me (Ashes Into Art)

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Made To Be

5:24

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At 14, my dream was broken, so was my heart
I've lost friends
All I ever wanted, I'll never get
I hated myself
I couldn't stand to look in the mirror
I'd been so darn insecure that
I was on the verge of an eating disorder
I hated my nose, my forehead, my legs, my voice, my lips
I couldn't tell if these voices in my head were lies
I've spent nights wide awake wanting to be wanted
I've spent days wishing I was someone else
I've wasted months trying to change what I look like
I've spent years angry at my creator
Thought God was a liar when He said I am "wonderfully made"
Never thought God loved me until He helped me see how to be me…
HERE
Here in between my heartbreak and my hope
In between my pointe shoes and my cast
In between self hatred and confidence
He showed up
I've spent nights crying with God
I've spent hours on my knees searching for God
God has spent months teaching me how to love myself
God has spent years being my friend and father
I can't ever fully explain how I arrived HERE
In a place where I believe with humble confidence that I am beautiful to Him
I am desperately wanted, I am loved, I am enough
I love my nose, my forehead, my legs, my voice, and my lips
And when I look in that mirror, I don't regret who I am
I don't regret following God into the unknown
I don't regret the slow letting go of all I've ever worked hard for
I don't regret surrendering my dreams
Because God found me and I found my creator
I found who I am made to be and through Him I get to do what I am created for
The power of God
Gave me a new heart
Became my everything
And turned ashes into art
HERE I find Him
And HERE I pray you do too
At 14, I had a dream that I would dance, play the role of a queen
On a diet so that I'd stay lean
Had a reputation that preceded me
Then suddenly I couldn't dance like before
All my injuries injured my soul
14 year old me
Yeah I really did her dirty
I never reached her dreams
14 year old me
I can't believe what she'd think of me yeah
My teachers told me I'd never be anything if I wasn't skinny
Their validation was all that I needed and I confess I believed them
Then over time God opened up my eyes
To my pain, hurt, and lies I held inside
14 year old me
Yeah I really did her dirty
I never reached her dreams
14 year old me
Yeah I really feel sorry
She was stuck in their dreams
Old me would not be proud of who I am
Not be proud of the choices that I've made
Or that I let her fade away
She would not be proud of what I do,
Not be proud of my body type, or the way I live my life
But 14 year old me was stuck in the worldly dreams
Not gonna lie, it broke me and led me to my knees
It's the worst pain I've ever gone through
Now all I have to say is I'm living God's dream for me
God is proud of who I am
He's proud of the choices that I've made and that let her fade away
He is proud of who I am
God is proud of me
He is proud of me yeah
So I will never be
I will never be old me again
I'm glad I won't be
I'm glad I can't be
I'm glad that I will never be 14

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