Box of Notebooks (2018)

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Jason Gots

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I want to tell the truth for once
As if it's even possible
Without all of the filigree
And Córdovan geometry
About how there was never
A container that could fit
All the love and all the emptiness
I tried to stuff inside of it

How angry and how disappointed
Every effort made me
Every promising new prototype
And radical discovery
Every reinvention
Every glimmer of redemption
That got shut up in a notebook
Too embarrassing to mention

I think maybe I'm ready
I think maybe it's time
To open up that
Old box of spiral notebooks

I used to know a girl
Or so my memory is telling me
Whose mind was like the laughing play
Of light upon the pebbles
And whose darkness, too was luminous
With blood and smoke and wine
And that when she left I may have left
A piece of me behind

I think I might be ready
I guess it might be time
To open up that
Old box of spiral notebooks

Well I don't believe in closure
And I don't suppose it's healing
We are standing on a precipice
Or trapped beneath a ceiling
And I'm not trying to hurt you
But I think you must admit
That the blood comes out regardless
Of the type of tourniquet

And my sister she was honest
But she couldn't make it work
She was swimming in the quicksand
She was drowning just in sight of land
And I reached out my hand
And it was strong but it was slippery
Like words after I write them down
Like love when it's a memory

I think maybe I'm ready
I guess it must be time
To open up that
Box of spiral notebooks

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