Melancholic Overdose

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Lil Unde

3:18

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If it was a hundred below freezing
And you had no way to get back into healing
Stuck outside as you were coughing and wheezing
It's just like everything is so damn displeasing
This no Rainbow Six, there's nothing that I'm sieging
I never set any hopes as high as the ceiling
Deep down I never understand what I am feeling
Now and then I see the Grim Reaper, he's creeping
Every year I'm losing people for no reason
And while I don't believe that it's for treason
My brain, it got me thinking, what is the real meaning?
Honestly what else should I believe in?
If you thought I was annoying, why didn't you tell me?
Part of my problem is I don't wanna be lonely
We could've resolved a whole conflict delicately
So things on both sides were fixed eloquently
To try to cope with this shit, no I don't vape
Or do weed or any other drugs for an escape
I sit back and let the demons unwind out the case
Everyday it feels like a sucker punch to the face
Yeah this shit, it be real like I'm running 5K
It's like I'm the only one running the race
Depression hits me like I'm sprayed with mace
I try to connect the dots but the line don't trace
And I'm so sick and tired of everyday
Overthinking everything that I do and say
Bullshit in my head I never can have my way
No longer do I think that life is a game I play
The color in my world is more than 50 Shades of Grey
I wanna follow my dreams, but I'm lead astray
My head is like WWIII, you hear bombs away
It's not even an armageddon, it's just doomsday
Shoutout Garrett Kelsey and Alexa Purcell
Multiple times you've saved from going to hell
With my dark thoughts that don't even recuperate outside my tiny shell
I love you both forever, time will never tell
But I'll admit that I never really feel like myself
Cause in reality, toxic masculinity's a bitch
Since I can't even make myself feel okay
Or even cry with even just one fat flick of a switch
My brain might be wired but it's all disconnected
Rambling on and on how I think I'm neglected
And I know it's a lie, cause I got tons of friends
But the separations like I said make them end
Since I was a little boy, I've been afraid
Of even thinking that I would be a good Dad to stay
And even be a successful role model for my kids
But Satan may come along and it may be forbid
Now it's funny how I'm an extrovert around my main friends
But introvert to everyone else that I talk to
And I don't mean painfully shy
Like you stay silent almost the whole day because I don't want to
I'm always convinced people talk behind their backs
And say shit about me that I know is not true
And whenever I talk to people about my shit
I can't help with their problems back so I feel like I forgot to
Storms be brewing up in my head
Pouring down rain and hail and lightning
Cloudy thoughts of wishing I was dead
Honestly it may be enlightening
To know that while I may wanna die
The pain I have is still bottled up inside
Has kept me from trying suicide
Cause in life I wanna say "I at least tried"
In no way at all will I beg or borrow
Bottled up pain in me is regret and sorrow
But my problems are as high as Kilimanjaro
I'm still contemplating everyday bout tomorrow
And whether or not it'll give me rain or shine
I'm tryna help people cause that makes me feel fine
I don't put myself first or anything
Because all I want for people is for their stars to align
Yeah, I may not show it that well
Guess I'm just pretty good at hiding it
But maybe now you can tell
What I feel inside and why it's all bullshit
Through the stairs to Heaven I fell
Yet somehow the sky, it stays moonlit
Do you hear the ring of the bell?
If you don't, it's probably only calling me to submit
If I ever hurt you, I'm sorry
Cause I don't want depression and anxiety
I'd never wish it upon anybody
For real mental health it ain't even funny
That's some shit you gotta take serious
There's no reason to be delirious
Am I really running out of time?
Maybe, I dunno, but while I'm alive
If people ever listen to this and relate to me
All I wanna say is god bless to you
I hope you're doing okay
And from the bottom of my heart I really wish that I could help you
I'm on a melancholic overdose everyday with my emotions
Somehow surviving attempts of being drowned
My body's always in a fucking void
And this is one where you don't even hear a sound
But hey, I guess thanks for sticking around
Really makes me feel like less of a clown

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