The Sordid Tale of the Vagina Vampire

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TurtleFrogMan

TurtleFrogMan is a musical artist known for their unique blend of electronic, hip-hop, and experimental sounds. They create intricate beats and catchy melodies, often incorporating eclectic samples and unconventional production techniques. With their boundary-pushing approach to music, TurtleFrogMan strives to create a truly immersive and original listening experience. more »

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I was born over 600 years ago
I remember the evening quite clearly
I was a farmer with a wife and two children in tow
And I recall that I loved them quite dearly

But I patronized a brothel, a poor choice so it seems
You see, my wife was a god-fearing person
And I suffered from deviant sexual dreams
That left unfulfilled would certainly worsen

Having chosen a prostitute and agreed on a rate
At my request, hands and feet both were bound
She climbed onto my face and with the force of her weight
In her womanly juices I drowned

And I awoke to be this hideous creature
The need for food and water now moot
I possessed did I this hideous feature
To live, I must consume the juice produced within the feminine fruit

Vampire
I thrive on what a woman produces
I'm nourished by her vaginal juices
Vampire
Vampire

Vampire
It's strange the things that fate often brings us
I'm starving to perform cunnilingus
Vampire
Vampire

So for 600 years now, I seek the places women dance
The food supply is marvelously ample
Once I lock onto a victim, I can put her in a trance
Allow me to provide you an example:

I'll spot a girl who's young and pretty,  perhaps a bit naive
Like grocery shopping, learn to read the label
And I'll coax her into trusting me, "i've got nothing up my sleeve"
And then arrange for us to have a corner table

I'll say something, like  "you're lovely what brings you here  tonight
And she'll respond with BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
And I'll say "my goodness aren't you witty, so refined and erudite"
And then she says "YA DA YA DA YA DA YA DA YA DA"

I'll flag the waiter:  "please bring a water for my very thirsty friend
For the best juice, you should keep your prey hydrated
And after all these years of practice, I'll guarantee by evening's end
Between her naked thighs my hungry face and mouth will be completely situated

Vampire
I bring women such immense satisfaction
With the technique I employ for extraction
Vampire
Vampire

Vampire
A vagina's like a sponge yet it's porous
I know my way around a clitoris
Vampire
Vampire

But There were nights when even Michael Jordan wasn't on his game
As is true in any specialized endeavor
In spite of all my successes, all the women who have came
It was such a night that changed my life forever

This gorgeous gal sat all alone and I had no time to grapple
The club was closing and I was very near starvation
I sat with her and as we spoke I observed an adam's apple
But I ignored that and won the battle of persuasion

We left the club together, arm in arm with no refusal
And once in her apartment safely in
She sat down on the couch, I dove between her legs as usual
But found a penis where vagina should have been

I thought, After 600 years, am I kicking the bucket?
As I was face to face with this lady's throbbing dick
In desperation, I decided, that I'd might as well just suck it
And the protein I extracted from this gorgeous lady's penis did the trick!

Vampire
600 years ago could not have forseen this
In a pinch you can just substitute a penis
Vampire
Vampire

Vampire
This story wasn't really meant to offend you
It's just I've doubled up the size of my menu
Vampire
Vampire

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