I Don't Know How It Ends

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Micah Callari

3:05

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I don't know how it ends
Will it end with a car crash and a single held-out synth note
I don't know how it ends
Suddenly and without warning, will my end be nice and slow

I don't know how it ends
Why do I even bother 'cause nothing that I do will matter
I don't know how it ends
'Cause destiny's not served on a shining silver platter

It's quite disconcerting
Does the end bring on hurting
Will I end up converting
Could they help with numbing
Six months, death forthcoming
Or should I expect nothing

I don't know how it ends
Do I get a chance to make amends
Will my words be lost in tears
Are these just irrational fears

I don't want to die, really
There's been periods of my life
Where I wouldn't have cared if death came early
And there's been a moment or two
Where I seeked Death out myself, but this
Right now
This moment right now
It isn't one of them
Right now, I'm not in a bad place
Sure, my OCD's been terrible the past couple weeks
And I've been dealing with a ton of anxiety about
Like, almost everything I do for a long time now
But I'm definitely better than I was before
I have friends
I have my family, my mom, my dad, my siblings
They're patient about me and my daily struggles with autism
And PANS, and EDS, and all the other funny acronyms
I've been diagnosed with over the years
I've finally weeded out all the toxic people
Who've controlled way too much of my daily life in the past
I'm taking initiative and control over myself
And I think, after all these years
I'm finally starting to understand what it truly means to live

I don't know how it ends
Do I get a chance to make amends
Will my words be lost in tears
Are these just irrational fears

I don't know how it ends (This is sincerely me)
Do I get a chance to make amends (Sincerely me, sincerely me)
Will my words be lost in tears (Sincerely me, sincerely me)
Are these just irrational fears (Sincerely me, sincerely me)

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